The Unruly Heart
As I read through Parshat Nitzavim, I am most struck by the focus on the heart. The heart may not even be the bodily organ we think of- some argue that the heart in biblical times referred to the mind and seat of reason- but for today’s purposes we will assume it truly is the heart.
Perhaps the word heart jumped out at me in this week’s parsha because I just finished reading J.K. Rowling’s The Ink Black Heart, which contained a focus on a cartoon that involved a personified, living, talking, breathing heart (called Harty). Or maybe it’s that I was a huge Edgar Allan Poe fan as a teen and I find ‘The Tell Tale Heart’ delightfully creepy. Either way, this parsha is all about the heart.
פֶּן־יֵ֣שׁ בָּ֠כֶ֠ם אִ֣ישׁ אֽוֹ־אִשָּׁ֞ה א֧וֹ מִשְׁפָּחָ֣ה אוֹ־שֵׁ֗בֶט אֲשֶׁר֩ לְבָב֨וֹ פֹנֶ֤ה הַיּוֹם֙ מֵעִם֙ יְהֹוָ֣ה אֱלֹהֵ֔ינוּ לָלֶ֣כֶת לַֽעֲבֹ֔ד אֶת־אֱלֹהֵ֖י הַגּוֹיִ֣ם הָהֵ֑ם פֶּן־יֵ֣שׁ בָּכֶ֗ם שֹׁ֛רֶשׁ פֹּרֶ֥ה רֹ֖אשׁ וְלַֽעֲנָֽה:
Perhaps there is among you a man, woman, family, or tribe, whose heart strays this day from the Lord, our God, to go and worship the deities of those nations. Perhaps there is among you a root that produces hemlock and wormwood.
וְהָיָ֡ה בְּשָׁמְעוֹ֩ אֶת־דִּבְרֵ֨י הָֽאָלָ֜ה הַזֹּ֗את וְהִתְבָּרֵ֨ךְ בִּלְבָב֤וֹ לֵאמֹר֙ שָׁל֣וֹם יִֽהְיֶה־לִּ֔י כִּ֛י בִּשְׁרִר֥וּת לִבִּ֖י אֵלֵ֑ךְ לְמַ֛עַן סְפ֥וֹת הָֽרָוָ֖ה אֶת־הַצְּמֵאָֽה:
And it will be, when he [such a person] hears the words of this oath, that he will bless himself in his heart, saying, "I will have peace, even if I follow my heart's desires," in order to add the [punishment for the] unintentional sins [of this man] to that of [his] intentional sins.
Then Deuteronomy 30:1-2.
וְהָיָה֩ כִֽי־יָבֹ֨אוּ עָלֶ֜יךָ כָּל־הַדְּבָרִ֣ים הָאֵ֗לֶּה הַבְּרָכָה֙ וְהַקְּלָלָ֔ה אֲשֶׁ֥ר נָתַ֖תִּי לְפָנֶ֑יךָ וַֽהֲשֵֽׁבֹתָ֙ אֶל־לְבָבֶ֔ךָ בְּכָ֨ל־הַגּוֹיִ֔ם אֲשֶׁ֧ר הִדִּיחֲךָ֛ יְהֹוָ֥ה אֱלֹהֶ֖יךָ שָֽׁמָּה:
And it will be, when all these things come upon you the blessing and the curse which I have set before you that you will consider in your heart, among all the nations where the Lord your God has banished you,
וְשַׁבְתָּ֞ עַד־יְהֹוָ֤ה אֱלֹהֶ֨יךָ֙ וְשָֽׁמַעְתָּ֣ בְקֹל֔וֹ כְּכֹ֛ל אֲשֶׁר־אָֽנֹכִ֥י מְצַוְּךָ֖ הַיּ֑וֹם אַתָּ֣ה וּבָנֶ֔יךָ בְּכָל־לְבָבְךָ֖ וּבְכָל־נַפְשֶֽׁךָ:
and you will return to the Lord, your God, with all your heart and with all your soul, and you will listen to His voice according to all that I am commanding you this day you and your children,
Then Deuteronomy 30:6.
וּמָ֨ל יְהֹוָ֧ה אֱלֹהֶ֛יךָ אֶת־לְבָֽבְךָ֖ וְאֶת־לְבַ֣ב זַרְעֶ֑ךָ לְאַֽהֲבָ֞ה אֶת־יְהֹוָ֧ה אֱלֹהֶ֛יךָ בְּכָל־לְבָֽבְךָ֥ וּבְכָל־נַפְשְׁךָ֖ לְמַ֥עַן חַיֶּֽיךָ:
And the Lord, your God, will circumcise your heart and the heart of your offspring, [so that you may] love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul, for the sake of your life.
כִּ֣י תִשְׁמַ֗ע בְּקוֹל֙ יְהֹוָ֣ה אֱלֹהֶ֔יךָ לִשְׁמֹ֤ר מִצְוֹתָיו֙ וְחֻקֹּתָ֔יו הַכְּתוּבָ֕ה בְּסֵ֥פֶר הַתּוֹרָ֖ה הַזֶּ֑ה כִּ֤י תָשׁוּב֙ אֶל־יְהֹוָ֣ה אֱלֹהֶ֔יךָ בְּכָל־לְבָֽבְךָ֖ וּבְכָל־נַפְשֶֽׁךָ:
[And God will make you abundant and rejoice over you] when you obey the Lord, your God, to observe His commandments and His statutes written in this Torah scroll, [and] when you return to the Lord, your God, with all your heart and with all your soul.
And we see the Torah is not across the sea or in the sky but rather, in Deuteronomy 30:14.
כִּֽי־קָר֥וֹב אֵלֶ֛יךָ הַדָּבָ֖ר מְאֹ֑ד בְּפִ֥יךָ וּבִלְבָֽבְךָ֖ לַֽעֲשׂתֽוֹ:
Rather, [this] thing is very close to you; it is in your mouth and in your heart, so that you can fulfill it.
וְאִם־יִפְנֶ֥ה לְבָֽבְךָ֖ וְלֹ֣א תִשְׁמָ֑ע וְנִדַּחְתָּ֗ וְהִשְׁתַּֽחֲוִ֛יתָ לֵֽאלֹהִ֥ים אֲחֵרִ֖ים וַֽעֲבַדְתָּֽם:
But if your heart deviates and you do not listen, and you will be drawn astray, and you will prostrate yourself to other deities and serve them,
Clearly the word “heart” is a leitmotif in this section. What I’m interested about is the final result. If this were a comic strip about a heart (which is what I’m imagining in my head), and you put together all the pesukim in this week’s parsha about hearts, what’s the story you are told?
Here it is:
Once upon a time there was a man whose heart strayed from God. He decided he wished to worship other gods and serve idols.
But he was not afraid of punishment. He blessed himself in his heart, saying “I will have peace, even if I follow my heart’s desires.”
The man was punished for this. Exiled, lost, he considered in his heart. He realized that he had done wrong. And so he returned to God with all his heart, sworn to listen to Him once more.
For the man knew that there would come a day when God would circumcise his heart so that he would be able to love God with all his heart, and with all his soul, and thus to preserve his life.
Because he had returned to God, the man reaped many blessings. His wife, his crops, his land- all were abundant and fruitful.
The man understood the Torah he had thought was so very difficult- hidden in the sky or the sea- was actually very close to him. It was in his mouth and in his heart. He could in fact fulfill it.
But once again, his heart deviated, and he was drawn astray, prostrating himself to other deities and serving them..
This is a story of a cycle. This is a teshuva [return/ repentance] story. It’s also the story of Sefer Shoftim.
And it’s all mapped out in Parshat Nitzavim if you simply follow the word “heart.”
What could be better preparation for Rosh Hashana than to read this and consider that this very depiction, Moses’ last words, resonates still today?
All of us struggle to master our unruly hearts. Our hearts can be led astray for many reasons. Sometimes it’s desire. Sometimes it’s difficulty. We may desire to be like the other nations, to worship the other culture’s gods (or, for that matter, ideals, ways of behavior, beliefs about righteousness and morality). We may feel the Torah is too difficult to keep- far away across the sea or hidden in the sky. Ultimately, we return to God, and we experience what it is like to be with God, benefiting from the abundance we reap. We know one day God will make it easier, circumcising our hearts so that we do not have to fight them all the time.
But until that day, we struggle. And we repeat the cycle. Over and over again.
I think the story in this week’s parsha- the story of the unruly heart- is hopeful. Because even though the story ends where it began- once again the heart is straying after foreign beliefs and concerns- there is the chance at return, at cleaving to God once more. And that part matters. It’s never all or nothing.
Our lives are cyclical. Our patterns of behavior. Our connection with God. Sometimes it may feel like we are never really progressing. But this is not the case. Yes, the pattern of return and defiance may read like a neverending story. An ouroboros.
But it isn’t. We can break the cycle, and one day we will. God will circumcise our hearts and the scales will fall from our eyes and we will wonder at all the time we spent unable to see. But once we can see- we will be amazed.
