When I was a teenager, I listened to “Papercut” by Linkin Park on repeat. The lyrics were therapeutic because they were accurate. They described the inner critical voice that dogged me, hated me and still lives inside of me. This is the voice that consistently tells me I am worthless, talentless and failing at life. (I’ve since learned strategies of how to deal with that voice, but it doesn’t actually go away.)
It's like a face that I hold (inside)
A face that awakes when I close my (eyes)
A face that watches every time they (lie)
A face that laughs every time they (fall)So you know that when it's time to sink or swim
That the face inside is here in me
Right underneath my skinIt's like I'm paranoid, looking over my back
It's like a whirlwind inside of my head
It's like I can't stop what I'm hearing within
It's like the face inside is right beneath my skinI know I've got a face in me
Points out all my mistakes to me
Recently three different friends told me to watch ‘The Bear’ on Hulu. The show is incredible. One of the pieces I find most compelling is the voice that accompanies Carmen “Carmy” Berzatto. He is an award winning chef who worked at the best restaurant in the world. Prior to this, during his training, he worked with a chef whose feedback was vicious and whose approach to mentoring was to tear him down. Carmen adopted that chef’s voice and it comes back to haunt him at various points in his life- it has become his inner voice.
The scene is breathtaking. It is the best depiction I have ever seen onscreen of the inner critical voice.
There are multiple scenes in Season 2 when Carmen feels like he is failing and the voice of this chef- his adopted inner voice- comes back to lambaste him. It is cruel and critical and he believes it completely during those moments.
‘The Bear’ is an excellent show for many reasons, but one of them is simply that it reflects people’s lived experiences back to them. Whether it’s grappling with grief, self loathing, the critical inner voice, or intergenerational trauma, this show knocks it out of the park.