(This post contains significant spoilers for the US version of the TV show ‘Shameless.’ Note that ‘Shameless’ contains profanity, nudity, and more, and thus will not be appropriate for all viewers.)
A few years ago, my student connected King David to the TV show ‘Shameless.’ We had learned the midrash in class that focused on David’s origin story. David’s father, Jesse, incorrectly believed that this son was the product of adultery. In truth, he had slept with his wife while not realizing that he had done so. (To learn more about this midrash and King David’s backstory, click here.)
In class, we had been exploring the different paths one could take when growing up an outcast- shunned, accused of crimes he did not commit, and hated and disowned by his father and brothers. Through understanding who David did not become, we can have greater appreciation for the man he is. My student connected this to ‘Shameless’ because the story revolves around a dysfunctional family. The father, Frank Gallagher, is an emotionally abusive and manipulative alcoholic. The mother left her six children two years before the show begins. The family is being raised by Fiona Gallagher, the oldest sibling.
Each of the children in the Gallagher family is impacted by the alcoholism, neglect, abandonment and abuse they experience. All of them bear the scars of their experiences, though they manifest differently. Phillip ‘Lip’ Gallagher has so much promise - he takes the SAT for people who pay him and can get a perfect score- but engages in self-defeating and self-destructive behaviors. The pressure of being the one who needs to make it out of the South Side of Chicago destroys him. Debbie Gallagher attaches herself to anyone who seems to show any affection towards her (or to whom she can show any affection) and ends up a teen mom. Carl is actually destructive (he tortures and kills animals) to the point that his school wants to expel him and believes he shows sociopathic tendencies.
When I began watching the show (which is a dramedy), it was clear that it had important things to say about poverty, class, mental health and mental illness. What I did not expect, but found myself moved by, was the best portrayal of a gay couple that I’ve seen on TV. This is Ian Gallagher and Mickey Milkovich, or as they are referred to by fans, “Gallavich.”
What is it about Ian and Mickey that yields screen magic? They aren’t a perfect couple- far from it. They consistently struggle with communication, voicing their expectations, and behaving in a mature (as opposed to petty) fashion. They break the law, and both serve time in prison. Their fists do the talking for them.
It’s this- the two of them are tender with each other. And during their most vulnerable moments, they help each other.
When the viewer first meets Mickey, he’s crass, loud, uncouth, violent and scary. In contrast, Ian is studious (he’s doing ROTC and plans to join the military), focused, and holds down a job. Mickey is attracted to Ian’s sweetness (he has an iconic line, “I like them sweet,” which is ostensibly about a Snickers bar, but he’s really talking about Ian.) It’s not clear at first what draws Ian to Mickey- other than that this is a person his own age who is also gay. Mickey cannot openly come out as gay because of his violent father, who will quite literally kill him if he admits his sexuality.
Over time, it becomes clear that beneath the tough, trash-talking angry exterior, Mickey can and does care. Ian is the more verbally expressive one- the first to ask Mickey how he feels, the first to use the word “love” in their relationship. Mickey shows he cares in odd ways- but consistently shows up for Ian. When Ian goes missing, Mickey goes out of his way to find him. He takes care of him and returns him to his family. The most moving scenes, however, come later. It becomes clear to the Gallagher family that Ian’s wild, erratic behavior has its roots in something more serious- he has inherited their mother’s bipolar disorder. At first, Mickey does not want to accept this. He is certain that he can take care of Ian and keep him safe. The viewer watches Mickey slowly come to the realization that Ian is beyond his capacity to help, and that he will need to get him help. This breaks Mickey’s heart, and it also guts Ian, who had held out hope that Mickey would not believe his diagnosis was real. (Ian does not accept his diagnosis.)
The show is excellent in that it doesn’t sugarcoat or gloss over the challenges of being in a relationship with someone who is ill. Mickey has to decide whether what he has with Ian can survive Ian’s diagnosis. Not having been taught any productive coping strategies, Mickey angry drinks in an effort to forget Ian, which doesn’t work, and finally determines that he wants to stay with Ian. In one of the most touching scenes, he shows up at Ian’s home and tells him, “Sorry I’m late.”
While Mickey and Ian both grow, evolve and change over the course of the show, it’s Mickey’s trajectory that is most impressive. Mickey goes from threatening to hurt Ian if Ian tries to kiss him, and threatening anyone who might out him, to coming out in front of everyone he knows- including his homicidal father. Mickey does this for Ian, at great personal cost. Mickey evolves from someone who thinks marriage is just a piece of paper to someone who recognizes its value- and who won’t accept anything less from Ian. Mickey’s communication skills are still stunted (he prefers to talk with his fists, and to make Ian jealous by having sex with other people rather than admitting how much Ian has hurt him) but Ian can read him.
The two of them are damaged and imperfect, but they take care of each other. As Mickey says in a pivotal scene, “I love you…it means we take care of each other. It means thick and thin, good times, bad, sickness, health, all that s—t.”
Mickey and Ian are iconic because they’re realistic. They’re messy. Their lives are difficult. They hurt each other, sometimes in ways they are able to fix, and other times in ways that can’t really be undone. But they also laugh together, goof around, and help each other. They have each other’s back. And there’s something beautiful about seeing that level of tenderness and vulnerability portrayed in a story. That’s what creates intimacy.
And that’s what Ian eventually says to Mickey, admitting, “I love you…and I trust you.” That trust is bigger, more important than the love. The trust means Ian can be open with Mickey and know Mickey wants to protect and help him, not hurt him. And as the child of people who are totally untrustworthy, for Ian to trust anyone is a huge thing.
Many TV shows take the easy way out when they try to show a couple cares for one another. They show the couple kissing, or having sex, and from this the viewer is supposed to intuit that the couple is in a meaningful relationship. It’s sloppy writing, and it’s what separates mediocre shows from excellent ones. It is rare that a show constructs the kind of intimacy that Ian and Mickey have. That kind of intimacy takes time to build, because it requires building each character and their arc, having them go through painful situations, and then demonstrating how they handle each other’s pain. But there needs to be balance as well- a levity and lightness in addition to the difficulties. All of this is tricky, elegant writing and ‘Shameless’ manages to pull it off.
When you have powerful writing, incredible acting and a relationship that shows how tenderness and vulnerability can become an opportunity for intimacy, you’ve created something very special. And that’s Gallavich.