It’s important for a teacher to feel love in their heart towards their students. If they can’t manage that, at least respect. If they can’t manage that, then something needs to be fixed- likely in the teacher. This sentiment is echoed in Rabbi Moshe Don Kestenbaum’s Olam HaMiddos. Here’s the relevant excerpt.
A rebbi must know that he is very important in his students’ eyes, and he serves as a role model for them as a ben Torah. If the rebbi is loved by his students, the Torah will be beloved to them as well, and vice versa, Heaven forbid. This is reflected in our Sages’ teaching (Avos 1:12) that we should be like Aharon, who loved people and drew them near to Torah. If you love people, they will love you in return, and then they will automatically want to learn from you, and in that way you will have drawn them near to Torah.
When students reject their teacher, it is often because they did not sense his love for them. Furthermore, when students reject Yiddishkeit, Heaven forbid, it is often because they did not feel loved by the people who, to them, represented Yiddishkeit (namely, parents, teachers, and other authority figures). Therefore, every teacher must show his love for his students.
A rebbi or teacher should encourage his students in a respectful way and be concerned for them like a parent for a child, and then the students will certainly feel their teacher’s love. Once the teacher has fostered a strong bond with his students, the students will be prepared to receive his guidance and reproach, for they will recognize that his criticism falls into the category of ואבהו שחרו מוסר, but he who loves him disciplines him in his youth. Needless to say, the rebbi must be careful not to rebuke a student in anger or with harsh words that destroy his self-esteem. He must do so out of love, and not, Heaven forbid, out of anger or hatred.
The Gemara (Nedarim 7b) relates a mind-boggling incident: When a student of the yeshivah had to be excommunicated, Mar Zutra would excommunicate himself first, and then excommunicate the student. that is a true rebbi, for even when a student sinned and deserved to be punished, Mar Zutra felt his pain and took care to preserve his honor.
When a teacher disciplines, rather than simply criticizing the problematic behavior, he should show that he understands where the student is coming from and that he truly cares about the student.
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It is critical that a teacher respect all of his students, even a student who has not yet succeeded. To develop this respect, the teacher must judge the student favorably and realize that there are undoubtedly good reasons why this student is not succeeding. If the teacher truly cares about the student and strives to understand him and his challenges, he will begin to view him as a diamond in the rough. But if the teacher does not respect the student and mentally dismisses him, then hope is lost, for the student will, in turn, not respect the teacher, as the verse states (Mishlei 27:19) כמים הפנים לפנים לב האדם לאדם, As water reflects a face back to a face, so one’s heart is reflected back to him by another.
Rebbeim and teachers must not forget that children’s struggles in school are not reflective of who they are or what their future holds. The fact that one child has an easy time sitting still and another does not is no indication that one child is better or more worthy than the next. Sadly, many talented children with bright futures in Torah or business lost their self-confidence because they were not academically inclined and learned, in school, to view themselves as failures. Children are too young to see that there is a big world outside the narrow confines of school, but we adults are not, and we must do our best to instill in every child an appreciation of his incredible value, regardless of his current academic struggles.
When a teacher looks at a student, he should recall the Rambam’s statement (Hilchos Teshuvah 5:2) that every single person can be a tzaddik like Moshe Rabbeinu. Therefore, even if the student is not behaving like a tzaddik right now, the teacher should tell himself that it is eminently possible that in the near future he will become a great tzaddik, and he therefore deserves honor even now. The teacher should think, If I would know that this student is destined to become a gadol hador, how would I treat him now? If he views his student that way, truly believing in his abilities, the student, too, will believe in himself and will be motivated to grow and advance.
Although the rebbi’s primary responsibility is to help his students in spiritual matters, he must nevertheless be concerned about their physical well-being as well. This is obvious, for if the rebbi truly loves his students, how can he not care about every aspect of his life?
A rebbi should inquire as to all aspects of a student’s life, and ascertain whether he has everything he needs in yeshivah and at home. He should also ask each student how his family is doing and be involved in his life. In truth, ensuring that a student has his physical needs met is not merely a matter of gashmiyus; it relates to his ruchniyus as well, because if a student is lacking in the physical realm that will impede his spiritual progress. Some students who are unsuccessful in their service of Hashem would be transformed if their teacher would just show concern by inquiring what is bothering them and asking if they can be of any help. A rebbi who gives his talmidim individual time and builds a close relationship with them can have an inestimably positive impact on his students’ lives.
The job of a teacher is not only to impart knowledge, but also to build people, by imbuing his students with all the tools necessary for success. A teacher needs to understand the strengths and challenges of each individual student, make him aware of his own value and potential and help him perfect himself. Through love and encouraging words, we will merit to build our students into righteous, complete individuals.
-pages 134-137