Lord of the Virgins
Rebecca, a flower among weeds
This is the parsha in which we meet Rebecca, the kind maiden who is willing to provide water to Abraham’s servant as well as providing water to all his camels. Due to this, she is rewarded by becoming Isaac’s bride. But what kind of person was Rebecca, aside from her apparent kindness?
According to the midrash, she was a woman who grew up surrounded by evil, and yet turned out good.
This makes Rebecca a maverick- an individual, a thinker, someone who has her own moral compass and follows it. This is important because it lays the groundwork for one of the most important scenes that will follow- namely, her willingness to support her younger son Jacob over her older son Esau.
In the midrashic rendering, Rebecca is someone who is acquainted with evil. Because of this, she has the ability to discern evil when she sees it. And since Rebecca has the strength of will to act against expectations- to break from family tradition, whether it take the form of being kind when her family is comprised of people who seek to use others, or being willing to travel far away in search of something greater than the life she was born to- she also has the strength of will to do what must be done even if she ends up cursed for it.
Let’s examine the kind of people who make up her family.
ילקוט שמעוני פרשת חיי שרה א:קט
שהוא היה מלך בארם נהרים וכל בתולה שתנשא בועל אותה לילה ראשונה ואח"כ חוזרת לבעלה נתקבצו כל השרים ואמרו אם הוא עושה לבתו כשם שעשה לבנותינו מוטב ואם לאו אנו הורגים אותו ואת בתו
Bethuel was a king in Aram-Naharayim and would practice jus primae noctis (he would be the first to have sex with virgin brides), and after that he would then return her (the bride) to her husband. All of the officers (of the kingdom) gathered together and said, “If he does this to his daughter in the same way that he does this to our daughters, then fine, but if not, then we will kill him and his daughter.”
Practically, this means I always think of Bethuel when I watch ‘Braveheart.’
See also:
“The Study of a Midrash” by L. I. Rabinowitz in The Jewish Quarterly Review- (Footnote 61) http://www.jstor.org/stable/pdfplus/1453343.pdf?acceptTC=true&acceptTC=true&jpdConfirm=true
I have searched in vain for some authority for my idea that the basis of this interpretation lies in the name Bethuel, with its suggested connection with Bethulah, a virgin. It does not need overmuch Midrashic imagination to suggest that they regarded the name as conveying "Lord of the virgins". The nearest I have found is a statement ascribed to I. Levi in R.E.J. 30.220-231 that "it may have been derived from the Roman legend of Virginius". (J.E. loc. cit.) Certainly the male name Virginius is as suggestive as Bethuel, but I have so far failed to trace this legend of Virginius.
According to the midrash, Rebecca’s entire family was corrupt. It’s not just her father, but her mother and brother as well. If you look at the full Yalkut (I only excerpted one part above) you get the picture of what they were like.
ילקוט שמעוני תורה פרשת חיי שרה
כיון שראו את הצמידים נתקבצו להרוג לאליעזר וראו שהיה נוטל ב' גמלים בב' ידיו ומעבירן את הנחל כיון שראו כן אמרו אין אנו יכולין להרגו והניחו קערה לפניו וסם המות בתוכה ובזכות אברהם נתחלפה הקערה ואכל בתואל ממנה ומת, ואין ויושם [כ"ד, ל"ג] אלא לשון סם, ומפני מה מת בתואל שהוא היה מלך בארם נהרים וכל בתולה שתנשא בועל אותה לילה ראשונה ואח"כ חוזרת לבעלה נתקבצו כל השרים ואמרו אם הוא עושה לבתו כשם שעשה לבנותינו מוטב ואם לאו אנו הורגים אותו ואת בתו לפיכך מת כדי שינצל אליעזר ורבקה
As soon as they saw the jewelry they gathered to kill Eliezer, but then they saw that he had camels and an entourage so they realized “We will not be able to kill him” (in an obvious fashion). Therefore, they brought him a plate and they placed poison into the food. (Thus, they figured they could kill him slyly, and then take the riches for themselves). In the merit of Avraham, the plates were switched and Bethuel ended up eating from the plate that had been intended for Eliezer, and he died. And why did Bethuel need to die? Because he was the king of Aram-Naharayim and he had established a practice of jus primae noctis (sleeping with virgin brides) and the officials of his land had gotten together and said “If he does this to his own daughter, in the same way that he does this to our daughters, then good, and if not, we will kill him and his daughter.” Therefore, Bethuel died in order to save Eliezer and Rivkah (Eliezer from death, and Rivka from being forced to lie with her father).
Laban is depicted within the midrashic imagination as materialistic- the literal reading of the text supports this given his trickery when it came to paying Jacob his wages, but his focus on the jewelry that was given to his sister is another plot point. See Rashi to Genesis 24:29:
וירץ. לְמָה רָץ וְעַל מָה רָץ? ויהי כראות את הנזם, אָמַר עָשִׁיר הוּא זֶה, וְנָתָן עֵינָיו בַּמָּמוֹן:
AND HE RAN — Why did he run and what did he run for? (The next verse explains why). ויהי כראות הנזם AND IT CAME TO PASS WHEN HE SAW THE RING —he said, “This must be a rich man ״, and he had an eye to his money.
So we have a rapist father, a materialistic brother and mother, and a family who is not above poisoning a servant in the hopes of robbing him blind. How does Rebecca end up so different from them?
There are two possibilities.
She did have a role model- her nurse, Deborah.
This was a choice she herself made- because she had extreme strength of will.
We know that Rebecca is accompanied by her nurse on her way to Isaac.
וַֽיְשַׁלְּח֛וּ אֶת־רִבְקָ֥ה אֲחֹתָ֖ם וְאֶת־מֵנִקְתָּ֑הּ וְאֶת־עֶ֥בֶד אַבְרָהָ֖ם וְאֶת־אֲנָשָֽׁיו׃ So they sent off their sister Rebekah and her nurse along with Abraham’s servant and his men.
What does it mean she had a nurse?
The JPS Torah Commentary: Genesis by Nahum Sarna, page 169
59. her nurse- Hebrew meneket is really a wet nurse, such as employed for the baby Moses in Exodus 2:7. Rebekah could hardly have been in need of such services. In Mesopotamia the wet nurse, Akkadian museniqtum, “the one who suckles,” frequently had the additional duties of tarbitum, bringing up the child and acting as guardian. In 35:8 Rebekah’s nurse is identified as Deborah, and her death and burial are recorded. She was obviously an esteemed member of the family. Having attended and reared Rebekah from birth, she must have remained as a member of the household and now accompanies her as a chaperon. Interestingly, Targum Jonathan renders meneket by padgogthah, from Greek paidagogos, “tutor,” a meaning that echoes the Akkadian tarbitum.
(I don’t know about you, but when I read this, I instantly picture Nelly from Wuthering Heights. Except that Nelly is actually the reason for so much going wrong in that book, while Rebecca’s nurse-turned-governess is a force for good.)
As further explained in this piece on Chabad.org,
Targum Jonathan renders the word we translated as “nurse” to be pedagogue, a teacher. This was Rebecca’s teacher. When Rebecca was a young girl living in an immoral society with her deceitful father and brother, she had a support system. Deborah helped her stand strong and pious in the face of immorality and deprivation.
This (and the second answer of Nachmanides) explains why Jacob was so affected by her passing. His tremendous gratitude to this woman who was his mother’s support system and his “spiritual grandmother” (and educator of his children) was immense, and the tears flowed.
This is a lesson on gratitude, a lesson on the power of a good teacher, and a lesson on how impacting one person (Rebecca, matriarch of the Jewish people) can transform history forever.
Rav Aaaron Lichtenstein offers a different reading (although these readings don’t necessarily contradict- one could say that, inspired by her nurse, Rebecca made these choices).
Let us ask ourselves what exactly Eliezer sought.
We can discern two directions in answering this question if we examine the dispute concerning Rivka's age. Rashi (Bereishit 25:20) states that Rivka was three years old at the time of this event; the Da'at Zekeinim Mi-Ba'alei Ha-Tosafot (following the Seder Olam Rabba) maintain that she was fourteen years old. As is true regarding the opinions about the age at which Avraham discovered God, this dispute too is not merely academic; rather, these ages symbolize stages in a person's spiritual development, and color our entire understanding of his personality.
Rashi's vision of what Eliezer sought is intriguing: children at such a young age tend to display an overwhelming egocentricity - they do not give, but are accustomed to taking and depending upon others. They do not yet possess the faculties to understand that the world does not revolve about themselves. Thus, a child who possesses the quality of chesed at such a young age has it almost inherently, instinctively, as part of her basic spiritual constitution. Usually, at the age of three one can speak only of very general directions in personal development; in the case of Rivka, however, she was so conspicuously different in this area that one would have had reason to believe that the trait of chesed was highly dominant in her makeup.
Secondly, if Eliezer was searching for a young child, this indicates that he sought a relatively unmolded person, one who would be unresisting to having the contours of her personality shaped by Yitzchak Avinu. This is Rashi's Rivka - the Pure and Passive Rivka, a personality to be molded.
Tosafot's view, however, differs on both accounts. A fourteen-year-old girl is a ba'alat chesed because she has decided to be one and has acted upon that decision; it is not an instinctive, supernatural spiritual boon.
Moreover, according to Tosafot, Eliezer was not looking for a timid child who follows her husband's lead; rather, he was looking for someone to lead Am Yisrael together with Yitzchak Avinu. Rivka's figure is a dominant, powerful one. This is Tosafot's Rivka - the Nation Builder.
Personally, I prefer the idea that Rebecca was influenced by Deborah, her devoted nurse, and that as a teenager she made a decision to be different from her family members. That Rebecca, the Nation Builder, is the one that I think the text supports, especially later on in the narrative.
Rabbi Samson Raphael Hirsch has a fascinating reading of what exactly is going on during the succession scene, where Jacob takes Esau’s blessings.
In the little word נא-הנה נא זקנתי-“see, after all, I am already old,” it is made clear that he had already long had the intention to bestow such a blessing, but had been dissuaded, had yielded to remonstration. Rebecca had probably constantly argued with him, trying to convince him of the truth, and had then persuaded him “anyway, leave it for a time, you are not so old yet, there is still plenty of time etc.,” and had hoped, in the meantime, that he would be undeceived. But she had not succeeded. And now, what was she to do? What could she have wanted with this plan? Nothing but to bring home to him, to convince him, ad hominem, that, and how easily, he could be deceived. If a Jacob, an איש תם, can so easily masquerade as a גבור ציד, how much more easily can an Esau masquerade as an איש תם to him! And in this- Isaac’s undeception through Jacob’s deception- Rebecca succeed perfectly. As soon as Isaac realized the trick that had been played upon him, ויחרד חרדה גדולה עד מאד (v. 35), he received a terrific shock, he saw—as our sages put it—Gehennam yawning at his feet, saw, how all his life he had allowed himself to be deceived. Immediately the scales fell from his eyes, and he immediately added deliberately his confirmatory and now fully consciously expressed blessing גם ברוך יהיה (ibid) “And indeed he shall be blessed”.
This also seems to be the way that ר יהושע בן לוי takes this episode (Bereishit Rabbah). לא ממה שהיתה רבקה אוהבת את יעקב יתיר מעשו עשתה את הדבר הזה אלא אמרה לא יעול ויטעי בההוא סבא. “Not just because Rebecca loved Jacob more than Esau did she do this, but so that the latter should no longer come and deceive his old father.”
-from ‘The Pentateuch: Translation and Commentary by Samson Raphael Hirsch’ on Genesis, Chapter 27, pages 442-443
The reason I think this reading is so ingenious is because it combines all the different facets we are familiar with when it comes to Rebecca. Here was a woman who grew up in a corrupt, immoral and degenerate society. Her own family members were people who preferred to use others rather than have meaningful relationships with them. She chose to be different, possibly inspired by her nurse- but her eyes were wide open. She knew what evil looked like. And so, when her own son Esau decided to be sly, sly like Laban was sly, she was able to see through him. But Isaac, who had been raised in a holy family with righteous parents, was unable. And so Rebecca created a situation in which he would be forced to understand what she had seen all along- that deception was possible, and that he could be deceived.
(Note: it’s not Rebecca who instructs Jacob to go to Laban- one could easily argue, knowing him as she does, she would never do that. It’s Isaac who does it, Isaac who doesn’t fully understand the evil that Laban is capable of, and who assumes- incorrectly- that family ties trump self interest.)
Sometimes people lament the families they grow up in. And there’s no question that those families can cause great hardship. But they can also help you achieve great wisdom. Rebecca’s story (certainly in the midrashic imagination) is that of a flower growing among weeds- but never forgetting where she came from. She’s savvy. She’s wary. But still- and this is the most impressive thing given all she has seen- she chooses to be kind.