There’s nothing more wrenching than David’s cry when he realizes his son is dead.
וַיִּרְגַּ֣ז הַמֶּ֗לֶךְ וַיַּ֛עַל עַל־עֲלִיַּ֥ת הַשַּׁ֖עַר וַיֵּ֑בְךְּ וְכֹ֣ה ׀ אָמַ֣ר בְּלֶכְתּ֗וֹ בְּנִ֤י אַבְשָׁלוֹם֙ בְּנִ֣י בְנִ֣י אַבְשָׁל֔וֹם מִֽי־יִתֵּ֤ן מוּתִי֙ אֲנִ֣י תַחְתֶּ֔יךָ אַבְשָׁל֖וֹם בְּנִ֥י בְנִֽי׃ The king was shaken. He went up to the upper chamber of the gateway and wept, moaning these words as he went,“My son Absalom! O my son, my son Absalom! If only I had died instead of you! O Absalom, my son, my son!”
At this point his general, Joab, all but slaps him and tells him to pull it together. “Today you have humiliated everyone who saved your life in addition to your concubines, your wives and your children,” he rebukes,
לְאַֽהֲבָה֙ אֶת־שֹׂ֣נְאֶ֔יךָ וְלִשְׂנֹ֖א אֶת־אֹהֲבֶ֑יךָ כִּ֣י ׀ הִגַּ֣דְתָּ הַיּ֗וֹם כִּ֣י אֵ֤ין לְךָ֙ שָׂרִ֣ים וַעֲבָדִ֔ים כִּ֣י ׀ יָדַ֣עְתִּי הַיּ֗וֹם כִּ֠י (לא) [ל֣וּ] אַבְשָׁל֥וֹם חַי֙ וְכֻלָּ֤נוּ הַיּוֹם֙ מֵתִ֔ים כִּי־אָ֖ז יָשָׁ֥ר בְּעֵינֶֽיךָ׃
by showing love for those who hate you and hate for those who love you. For you have made clear today that the officers and men mean nothing to you. I am sure that if Absalom were alive today and the rest of us dead, you would have preferred it.
Why is David so devastated? What did David expect? He had expressly ordered all of his men not to kill Absalom. To deal gently with him. But why? What did he think would happen? Absalom had already lived in exile; did David plan to exile him again? To forever keep him in a dungeon far beneath the castle, no longer a threat to the throne? Or perhaps, this most fragile of hopes, so much so that David could not utter it, perhaps he hoped to reconcile?
I think it was this last that David did hope for. It was an impossible dream. To want it was to live in denial. But that’s what David did.
How?
Read carefully and you’ll see.
Once David is informed that the Israelites have been swayed to support Absalom, he declares
וַיֹּ֣אמֶר דָּ֠וִ֠ד לְכׇל־עֲבָדָ֨יו אֲשֶׁר־אִתּ֤וֹ בִירוּשָׁלַ֙͏ִם֙ ק֣וּמוּ וְנִבְרָ֔חָה כִּ֛י לֹא־תִֽהְיֶה־לָּ֥נוּ פְלֵיטָ֖ה מִפְּנֵ֣י אַבְשָׁלֹ֑ם מַהֲר֣וּ לָלֶ֗כֶת פֶּן־יְמַהֵ֤ר וְהִשִּׂגָ֙נוּ֙ וְהִדִּ֤יחַ עָלֵ֙ינוּ֙ אֶת־הָ֣רָעָ֔ה וְהִכָּ֥ה הָעִ֖יר לְפִי־חָֽרֶב׃ Whereupon David said to all the courtiers who were with him in Jerusalem, “Let us flee at once, or none of us will escape from Absalom. We must get away quickly, or he will soon overtake us and bring down disaster upon us and put the city to the sword.”
The wording is oblique. None of us will escape from Absalom. He will bring disaster upon us. He will put the city to the sword.
Will he murder his father? Commit patricide?
David doesn’t expressly say so. His concern is for the threat to the general public, not himself.
David leaves with his entire retinue- except his concubines, who he leaves to mind the palace. He clearly leaves them believing that Absalom will do them no harm.
וַיֵּצֵ֥א הַמֶּ֛לֶךְ וְכׇל־בֵּית֖וֹ בְּרַגְלָ֑יו וַיַּעֲזֹ֣ב הַמֶּ֗לֶךְ אֵ֣ת עֶ֧שֶׂר נָשִׁ֛ים פִּֽלַגְשִׁ֖ים לִשְׁמֹ֥ר הַבָּֽיִת׃ So the king left, followed by his entire household, except for ten concubines whom the king left to mind the palace.
As David walks, weeping, up the Mount of Olives (in a scene eerily similar to what he made Palti ben Layish do; how’s that for a measure for measure scene), he is told that Achitophel is on Absalom’s team. David prays, and what he prays for is significant.
וְדָוִד֙ הִגִּ֣יד לֵאמֹ֔ר אֲחִיתֹ֥פֶל בַּקֹּשְׁרִ֖ים עִם־אַבְשָׁל֑וֹם וַיֹּ֣אמֶר דָּוִ֔ד סַכֶּל־נָ֛א אֶת־עֲצַ֥ת אֲחִיתֹ֖פֶל יְהֹוָֽה׃ David [was] told that Ahithophel was among the conspirators with Absalom, and he prayed, “Please, O LORD, frustrate Ahithophel’s counsel!”
He doesn’t pray for Absalom to die. He only prays for Achitophel to be thwarted. He believes that it’s not his son he needs to fear, but Achitophel as the puppet master behind his son. When David encounters his faithful retainer, Hushai, he sends him on a mission to actively frustrate Achitophel’s counsel (II Samuel 15:34), not leaving it to chance.
But David is not unaware of Absalom’s intentions. He himself says in II Samuel 16:11
וַיֹּ֨אמֶר דָּוִ֤ד אֶל־אֲבִישַׁי֙ וְאֶל־כׇּל־עֲבָדָ֔יו הִנֵּ֥ה בְנִ֛י אֲשֶׁר־יָצָ֥א מִמֵּעַ֖י מְבַקֵּ֣שׁ אֶת־נַפְשִׁ֑י וְאַ֨ף כִּֽי־עַתָּ֜ה בֶּן־הַיְמִינִ֗י הַנִּ֤חוּ לוֹ֙ וִֽיקַלֵּ֔ל כִּ֥י אָמַר־ל֖וֹ יְהֹוָֽה׃ David said further to Abishai and all the courtiers, “If my son, my own issue, seeks to kill me, how much more the Benjaminite! Let him go on hurling abuse, for the LORD has told him to.
But David is also not entirely wrong about the potential goodness in Absalom. It is not Absalom’s idea to sleep with his father’s concubines. That is Achitophel as puppet master, orchestrating a point of no return.
וַיֹּ֤אמֶר אֲחִיתֹ֙פֶל֙ אֶל־אַבְשָׁלֹ֔ם בּ֚וֹא אֶל־פִּֽלַגְשֵׁ֣י אָבִ֔יךָ אֲשֶׁ֥ר הִנִּ֖יחַ לִשְׁמ֣וֹר הַבָּ֑יִת וְשָׁמַ֤ע כׇּל־יִשְׂרָאֵל֙ כִּֽי־נִבְאַ֣שְׁתָּ אֶת־אָבִ֔יךָ וְחָ֣זְק֔וּ יְדֵ֖י כׇּל־אֲשֶׁ֥ר אִתָּֽךְ׃
And Ahithophel said to Absalom, “Have intercourse with your father’s concubines, whom he left to mind the palace; and when all Israel hears that you have dared the wrath of your father, all who support you will be encouraged.”
Achitophel also has a plan for capturing and killing David. Important to it is that he will be the one to kill David, not Absalom. Achitophel knows who he is dealing with, and the man he has in front of him is not one who wants to kill his father. So Achitophel will take that burden from him. He will shoulder it instead.
וְאָב֣וֹא עָלָ֗יו וְה֤וּא יָגֵ֙עַ֙ וּרְפֵ֣ה יָדַ֔יִם וְהַחֲרַדְתִּ֣י אֹת֔וֹ וְנָ֖ס כׇּל־הָעָ֣ם אֲשֶׁר־אִתּ֑וֹ וְהִכֵּיתִ֥י אֶת־הַמֶּ֖לֶךְ לְבַדּֽוֹ׃ I will come upon him when he is weary and disheartened, and I will throw him into a panic; and when all the troops with him flee, I will kill the king alone.
This advice pleases Absalom- of course it does- because it removes his father without making him the killer (II Samuel 17:4).
Hushai offers different counsel. He calls Absalom out and argues that Absalom himself ought to march into battle.
כִּ֣י יָעַ֗צְתִּי הֵ֠אָסֹ֠ף יֵאָסֵ֨ף עָלֶ֤יךָ כׇל־יִשְׂרָאֵל֙ מִדָּן֙ וְעַד־בְּאֵ֣ר שֶׁ֔בַע כַּח֥וֹל אֲשֶׁר־עַל־הַיָּ֖ם לָרֹ֑ב וּפָנֶ֥יךָ הֹלְכִ֖ים בַּקְרָֽב׃ So I advise that all Israel from Dan to Beer-sheba—as numerous as the sands of the sea—be called up to join you, and that you yourself march into battle.
Hushai warns David of the danger through messengers
וְעַתָּ֡ה שִׁלְח֣וּ מְהֵרָה֩ וְהַגִּ֨ידוּ לְדָוִ֜ד לֵאמֹ֗ר אַל־תָּ֤לֶן הַלַּ֙יְלָה֙ בְּעַֽרְב֣וֹת הַמִּדְבָּ֔ר וְגַ֖ם עָב֣וֹר תַּעֲב֑וֹר פֶּ֚ן יְבֻלַּ֣ע לַמֶּ֔לֶךְ וּלְכׇל־הָעָ֖ם אֲשֶׁ֥ר אִתּֽוֹ׃ Now send at once and tell David, ‘Do not spend the night at the fords of the wilderness, but cross over at once; otherwise the king and all the troops with him will be annihilated.’”
When the message gets to David, it is framed as being Achitophel’s doing- not that of his son.
וַיְהִ֣י ׀ אַחֲרֵ֣י לֶכְתָּ֗ם וַֽיַּעֲלוּ֙ מֵֽהַבְּאֵ֔ר וַיֵּ֣לְכ֔וּ וַיַּגִּ֖דוּ לַמֶּ֣לֶךְ דָּוִ֑ד וַיֹּאמְר֣וּ אֶל־דָּוִ֗ד ק֣וּמוּ וְעִבְר֤וּ מְהֵרָה֙ אֶת־הַמַּ֔יִם כִּי־כָ֛כָה יָעַ֥ץ עֲלֵיכֶ֖ם אֲחִיתֹֽפֶל׃ After they were gone, [Ahimaaz and Jonathan] came up from the well and went and informed King David. They said to David, “Go and cross the water quickly, for Ahithophel has advised thus and thus concerning you.”
Later on, David himself wants to march out with his troops.
וַיְשַׁלַּ֨ח דָּוִ֜ד אֶת־הָעָ֗ם הַשְּׁלִשִׁ֤ית בְּיַד־יוֹאָב֙ וְ֠הַשְּׁלִשִׁ֠ית בְּיַ֨ד אֲבִישַׁ֤י בֶּן־צְרוּיָה֙ אֲחִ֣י יוֹאָ֔ב וְהַ֨שְּׁלִשִׁ֔ת בְּיַ֖ד אִתַּ֣י הַגִּתִּ֑י {ס} וַיֹּ֤אמֶר הַמֶּ֙לֶךְ֙ אֶל־הָעָ֔ם יָצֹ֥א אֵצֵ֛א גַּם־אֲנִ֖י עִמָּכֶֽם׃ David sent out the troops,-a one-third under the command of Joab, one-third under the command of Joab’s brother Abishai son of Zeruiah, and one-third under the command of Ittai the Gittite. And David said to the troops, “I myself will march out with you.”
I think David truly believed Absalom would be incapable of killing him. And he might even have been right. I’m always reminded of this scene with Captain von Trapp vs. Rolfe the Nazi (when the family is hiding in the abbey.)
[Liesl gasps ]
Rolfe, please.
[ Von Trapp ]
No, wait!
[Maria.]
Children.
[ Rolfe ]
It’s you we want, not them.
[ Von Trapp, motioning to the gun in Rolfe’s hand ]
Put that down.
[Rolfe]Not another move! Or I'll- I'll shoot!
[Von Trapp]You're only a boy.
You don't really belong to them.
[Rolfe]Stay where you are!
[Von Trapp]Come away with us before it's too late.
[Rolfe]Not another step. I'll kill you!
[Von Trapp]You give that to me, Rolfe.
[Rolfe]Did you hear me?
I'll kill you!
[Von Trapp]Rolfe.
[ He takes the gun. Rolfe gasps ]
You'll never be one of them.
[Rolfe]Lieutenant! Lieutenant, they're here!
They're here, Lieutenant!
[ Blows Whistle ]
Rolfe can’t kill Von Trapp. But he can and does inform on him. It seems possible that Absalom would have done something similar.
David agrees to stay behind, but issues the following condition
וַיְצַ֣ו הַמֶּ֡לֶךְ אֶת־י֠וֹאָ֠ב וְאֶת־אֲבִישַׁ֤י וְאֶת־אִתַּי֙ לֵאמֹ֔ר לְאַט־לִ֖י לַנַּ֣עַר לְאַבְשָׁל֑וֹם וְכׇל־הָעָ֣ם שָׁמְע֗וּ בְּצַוֺּ֥ת הַמֶּ֛לֶךְ אֶת־כׇּל־הַשָּׂרִ֖ים עַל־דְּבַ֥ר אַבְשָׁלֽוֹם׃ The king gave orders to Joab, Abishai, and Ittai: “Deal gently with my boy Absalom, for my sake.” All the troops heard the king give the order about Absalom to all the officers.
What did he think would happen? Absalom had already slept with David’s concubines (it’s unclear whether or not David knew that at this point). He had launched a power bid that forced David and his army to flee. They were now about to become involved in pitched battle. And yet David wanted Absalom dealt with gently? To what end? What would happen next?
Did David think he would be able to assuage Absalom’s desire for justice by finding some place in his government for him, as he eventually did with Absalom’s general, Amasa?
Did he imagine the two of them could work together, building a stable government?
Was it just his guilt speaking- the guilt that he had not punished Amnon properly, had caused Absalom’s exile and the rift between them, and that indeed, Absalom was only there because Hushai’s counsel, Hushai who had been sent to do this by David, had brought him there?
Or did he simply not think far enough ahead?
I think it was a mixture of these things. But most of all, I think it was hope. David saw the good in his son. He believed that all of Absalom’s most egregious acts were orchestrated by Achitophel, and did not represent his son’s true self. Thus, if Absalom were to come face to face with David, he would realize he could not kill his father- indeed, did not want to. And that would provide the opportunity for reconciliation that David hoped for, the ability to build the joint, united government that would address Absalom’s concerns about justice while enabling both of them to return in peace.
David was living in denial, but it was a denial based on something pure- on hope, and on love. Hope in his son’s goodness. Love for his child.
But Absalom had gone too far. There was no reality in which the people would have suffered him to live- to make peace with his father- after having watched him take what was rightfully his father’s, sleeping with his concubines. After having seen him drive his father out of the city, such that his father walked, weeping as he went. And this is what David could not see- the fury of a nation who would protect him even when he himself didn’t wish to be protected.
The first question David asks when runners come to bring him news of victory is
וַיֹּ֣אמֶר הַמֶּ֔לֶךְ שָׁל֥וֹם לַנַּ֖עַר לְאַבְשָׁל֑וֹם וַיֹּ֣אמֶר אֲחִימַ֡עַץ רָאִ֩יתִי֩ הֶהָמ֨וֹן הַגָּד֜וֹל לִ֠שְׁלֹ֠חַ אֶת־עֶ֨בֶד הַמֶּ֤לֶךְ יוֹאָב֙ וְאֶת־עַבְדֶּ֔ךָ וְלֹ֥א יָדַ֖עְתִּי מָֽה׃ The king asked, “Is my boy Absalom safe?” And Ahimaaz answered, “I saw a large crowd when Your Majesty’s servant Joab was sending your servant off, but I don’t know what it was about.”
David was willing to accept that he would not be king. He was even willing to accept death. See II Samuel 15:26, where he says that if God so wills, he will return to the city and see the Ark again. But
וְאִם֙ כֹּ֣ה יֹאמַ֔ר לֹ֥א חָפַ֖צְתִּי בָּ֑ךְ הִנְנִ֕י יַעֲשֶׂה־לִּ֕י כַּאֲשֶׁ֥ר ט֖וֹב בְּעֵינָֽיו׃ {ס} And if He should say, ‘I do not want you,’ I am ready; let Him do with me as He pleases.”
His main fear was for the others that would be collateral damage, not himself. It’s clear this is the case from a close reading of the story. When David first flees, he’s worried about the fate of the city. He is not worried about putting himself in harm’s way- indeed, he wants to go out to battle with his troops. He is not afraid to face his son.
And then, cold reality. His son is dead. And who is to blame? Of course David blames himself.
If I had handled the case of Amnon and Tamar differently…
If I had never sent Hushai to advise him, causing him to come to the battle in person…
If I had gone out to the battle myself- faced him myself…
But David cannot undo his choices. It is too late now. So all he can do is keen, broken-hearted, that he wishes he was the one who had died, because this grief is enormous, all-encompassing, crushing and devastating in every way. David sees his son, not the contender for the throne. He sees the boy, the proud, just, stubborn boy who wanted to build a better world. He sees a boy who was led astray, manipulated by the counsel of Achitophel. When David grieves, he grieves Absalom who was good, the one he could have reconciled with. He grieves lost, endless possibility.
Some might say he grieves a figment of his imagination. Because Absalom chose. He chose to stage a hostile takeover. He chose to sleep with the concubines. He chose to take Hushai’s advice. He was a man, governed by free will.
He was a man…but to David, he will always be the boy.
Very insightful take. I always understood David's reaction as a visceral outpouring of grief, not only upon the death of Avshalom, but now that it was all over, deep grief at the loss of what should have been a loving father-son relationship, grief over his son's rebellion in the first place. An outpouring of emotion that had been held in check by the threat to the kingdom, now burst loose from the floodgates.