Lech Lecha: Circumcision-Rite of a Sexual Ethic
If you attended Jewish day school, chances are high that you learned the Book of Genesis. But you learned it in a sanitized way that was appropriate for children. You learned about the creation of the world, eating the forbidden fruit, Cain & Abel, Noah and the Flood and the like. It takes a rereading of the Book of Genesis- this time through adult eyes- to see something that, once pointed out, is glaringly obvious.
The entire book is about sex, sexuality and what happens when there is no sexual ethic.
The following is a list of narratives in this sefer (book) that revolve around sex and sexuality.
God makes clear that like belongs with like- Adam cannot be partnered with an animal. Once a partner is made for Adam, God brings her to man like a parent bestowing his daughter at the chuppah (marriage canopy). Man has the insight to declare, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother and shall cleave to his wife and they shall be one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). From here, the rabbis learn the laws of the original sexual ethic- man is meant to marry woman.
Adam and Eve are sexually intimate with one another, which leads to the birth of Cain and the tragedy that occurs when he kills his brother (Genesis 4:1).
The Bnei Elohim take the daughters of men as wives due to their beauty- it is not clear whether the women consent (Genesis 6:2).
The Nephilim (who some identify as the same as the Bnei Elohim and others see as different) lived at this time and either themselves pursued these daughters of men or did not prevent the Bnei Elohim from doing so (Genesis 6:4) - note the juxtaposition that directly after this narrative, we learn about the wickedness of man that was so great that it led to a Flood. This is likely the fodder for the Midrashic understanding that the sins of the generation of the flood were sexual in nature, and had to do with a perversion of the sexual ethic laid out in Genesis 2:24.
After the Flood, Ham looks upon “the nakedness of his father” (Genesis 9:22) a term that is echoed throughout Leviticus. It is likely because of the linguistic similarities that the rabbis believe Ham castrated or otherwise did something sexually untoward with his insensate father.
Abram fears that the Egyptians will take his wife Sarai due to her beauty. He therefore begs her to say she is his sister. Despite this claim, the Egyptians take her anyway so that Pharoah can have sex with her. Pharoah and his household are struck with plagues and thus he does not end up having intercourse with Sarai; in the rabbinic understanding, these plagues are something that incapacitated them sexually (Genesis 12: 10-17).
Abram takes Hagar as an additional wife due to Sarai’s urging and belief that Hagar’s progeny can be hers; this does not ultimately work out well (Genesis 16: 3).
The laws of circumcision are given as an eternal covenant (Genesis 17)
The people of Sodom attempt to sodomize the two angels that are visiting Lot. Lot, in an attempt to defend his guests, offers the city his virgin daughters instead. The angels blind everyone in the city, putting an end to the attempted sexual violence. They then destroy the entire city (in an echo of the destruction of the world in the time of the Flood), ostensibly due to its sexual sins (Genesis 19:5-11).
Lot’s daughters have incestuous sexual relations with their fathers in an attempt to repopulate the world they believe was destroyed (Genesis 19:31-38). (The role of wine in this story may also be a reason the rabbis understood Ham’s actions the way they did in the earlier narrative with Noah, which also featured wine.)
Abraham travels with Sarah and specifically says she is his sister. Abimelech, king of Gerar, takes her anyway for his own sexual pleasure. However, God stops him from acting upon his fantasies by alerting him to the fact that Sarah is indeed someone’s wife (Genesis 20: 1-11).
Isaac echoes his fathers behavior when he travels to Gerar. He also passes off his wife, Rebecca, as his sister. However, one day Abimelech looks out his window and sees Isaac “sporting” with his wife (this is a euphemism for having relations). Abimelech asks Isaac why he failed to tell the truth and then issues an edict saying that anyone who touches either Isaac or Rebecca (the context seems to be sexual) will die (Genesis 26: 6-12).
Laban switches brides on Jacob- after having contracted to give Jacob Rachel, he actually gives Jacob Leah. It is only when Jacob arises from his marriage bed and beholds her in the light of day that he realizes he has consummated the marriage with Leah (Genesis 29: 25-26).
Dinah, daughter of Jacob, goes out to see the daughters of the land. She is taken by Shechem, who rapes her. He then speaks sweet nothings to her and asks his father to get her for him as a wife. His father yields, and treats with Jacob and his sons. The sons all agree that what happened to Dinah was vile because “such a thing is not done in Israel” (Genesis 34:7). The sons ask that Shechem and his countrymen take the rite of circumcision upon themselves. They do so, at which point Simeon and Levi kill them all. When Jacob rebukes Dinah’s brothers, the question they ask remains ringing in our ears: “Should one deal with our sister as with a harlot?” (Genesis 34:31)
Reuben has sexual relations with his father Jacob’s concubine, Bilha (Genesis 35:22).
Judah marries a Canaanite woman after the sale of his brother Joseph. His sons (each at a separate time) marry a woman named Tamar, but decide not to mar her beauty by getting her pregnant, instead spilling their seed outside of her. Judah does not wish to wed his youngest child to a woman who has been unlucky enough to lose two husbands. In the end, however, he is tricked by her- for believing he is having sex with a prostitute, instead he ends up seduced by his own daughter-in-law, and later on in the story, is forced to admit his responsibility publicly (Genesis 38)
The wife of Joseph’s master Potiphar constantly makes eyes at him and tries to seduce him. She says “Lie with me,” but he refuses. However, there is one day when they are alone together and she gets close enough to hold onto his garment; he shrugs out of it and flees. She claims he raped her, and thus he is thrown into prison (Genesis 39: 6-21)
When it is time to bless his sons, Jacob mentions that Reuben defiled his father’s marriage bed (Genesis 49:3).
This seems to be sufficient reason for Reuben to lose his rights as the firstborn; his double portion is given to Joseph instead, who passed the test on sexual restraint.
Now that you’ve seen this list, it becomes clear that God is trying to tell us something. But what? The answer is simple, and it will undergird the overall construct of what it means to live Jewishly. To live Jewishly is to obey a system that focuses on restraint. We cannot work on Shabbat but we can during the other days of the week. We cannot eat pork but we can eat beef. We cannot wear shatnez (a mixture of wool and linen) but can wear either fabric separately. We cannot approach our partner and be sexually intimate with them when the woman has her menses but we can after she has dipped in the mikvah (ritual bath). We are taught from the time we are young that to be holy means to live in accordance to boundaries, laws given by God that urge us to practice restraint, to rein ourselves in, to live a life of self control.
Hence the Hebrew maxim
אֵיזֶהוּ גִבּוֹר, הַכּוֹבֵשׁ אֶת יִצְרוֹ
Who is strong? The one who controls his passions.
There is perhaps no area in life where it is as difficult to practice this as the sexual realm. This is what leads to Frollo’s deplorable ethic in his song “Hellfire” (which I performed at home as a child because I was an avid Disney fan who had a particular love for ‘The Hunchback of Notre Dame.’ Also, I love villains.)
The lines that I am thinking of are:
It's not my fault
(Mea culpa (Through my fault))
I'm not to blame
(Mea culpa (Through my fault))
It is the gypsy girl
The witch who sent this flame
(Mea maxima culpa (Through my most grievous fault))
It's not my fault
(Mea culpa (Through my fault))
If in God's plan
(Mea culpa (Through my fault))
He made the devil so much
Stronger than a man
How often have men excused their weakness and their lust through similar words? “It’s not my fault/ if in God’s plan/ He made the devil so much/ Stronger than a man.” The one advantage Frollo has over many of the players in Genesis is that he at least recognizes that his lust is despicable. In contrast, the people in Genesis often act from a position where “might makes right,” their predatory behavior justified simply because they have decided they want. They want the daughters of men, so they take them. They want Abram’s “sister” so they take her. They want to take an innocent maiden and rape her, then take her to wife, so they do.
There is a reason that the rabbis traditionally understand the behaviors of the Egyptians and Canaanites as the most perverse and sexually degraded (see Leviticus 18:3, part of the Torah reading on Yom Kippur, holiest of days)- because the entire book of Genesis supports that thesis!
So how will the Hebrews be different? What will make them unique among the Canaanites and Egyptians? The answer lies in a rite we still perform today, but which is often misunderstood, or at least not understood fully: circumcision.
In this week’s parsha, God speaks to Abraham and declares:
וַיֹּ֤אמֶר אֱלֹהִים֙ אֶל־אַבְרָהָ֔ם וְאַתָּ֖ה אֶת־בְּרִיתִ֣י תִשְׁמֹ֑ר אַתָּ֛ה וְזַרְעֲךָ֥ אַֽחֲרֶ֖יךָ לְדֹרֹתָֽם׃ God further said to Abraham, “As for you, you and your offspring to come throughout the ages shall keep My covenant.
זֹ֣את בְּרִיתִ֞י אֲשֶׁ֣ר תִּשְׁמְר֗וּ בֵּינִי֙ וּבֵ֣ינֵיכֶ֔ם וּבֵ֥ין זַרְעֲךָ֖ אַחֲרֶ֑יךָ הִמּ֥וֹל לָכֶ֖ם כׇּל־זָכָֽר׃ Such shall be the covenant between Me and you and your offspring to follow which you shall keep: every male among you shall be circumcised.
וּנְמַלְתֶּ֕ם אֵ֖ת בְּשַׂ֣ר עׇרְלַתְכֶ֑ם וְהָיָה֙ לְא֣וֹת בְּרִ֔ית בֵּינִ֖י וּבֵינֵיכֶֽם׃ You shall circumcise the flesh of your foreskin, and that shall be the sign of the covenant between Me and you.
וּבֶן־שְׁמֹנַ֣ת יָמִ֗ים יִמּ֥וֹל לָכֶ֛ם כׇּל־זָכָ֖ר לְדֹרֹתֵיכֶ֑ם יְלִ֣יד בָּ֔יִת וּמִקְנַת־כֶּ֙סֶף֙ מִכֹּ֣ל בֶּן־נֵכָ֔ר אֲשֶׁ֛ר לֹ֥א מִֽזַּרְעֲךָ֖ הֽוּא׃ And throughout the generations, every male among you shall be circumcised at the age of eight days. As for the homeborn slave and the one bought from an outsider who is not of your offspring,
הִמּ֧וֹל ׀ יִמּ֛וֹל יְלִ֥יד בֵּֽיתְךָ֖ וּמִקְנַ֣ת כַּסְפֶּ֑ךָ וְהָיְתָ֧ה בְרִיתִ֛י בִּבְשַׂרְכֶ֖ם לִבְרִ֥ית עוֹלָֽם׃ they must be circumcised, homeborn and purchased alike. Thus shall My covenant be marked in your flesh as an everlasting pact.
וְעָרֵ֣ל ׀ זָכָ֗ר אֲשֶׁ֤ר לֹֽא־יִמּוֹל֙ אֶת־בְּשַׂ֣ר עׇרְלָת֔וֹ וְנִכְרְתָ֛ה הַנֶּ֥פֶשׁ הַהִ֖וא מֵעַמֶּ֑יהָ אֶת־בְּרִיתִ֖י הֵפַֽר׃ {ס} And if any male who is uncircumcised fails to circumcise the flesh of his foreskin, that person shall be cut off from his kin; he has broken My covenant.”
It is no accident that circumcision is a rite that exists for males, and specifically for male reproductive anatomy.
As the biblical commentator Ramban writes in his piece on Genesis 17:9:
ואמרו (הרד"ק) בטעם המילה ששם זכרון באבר התאוה רב המהומה והחטא לבל ישתמשו בו רק במצוה ובמותר ועל דרך האמת טעם "הנה בריתי אתך" כטעם "הנה אנכי עמך" (בראשית כ״ח:ט״ו)
Now they This reason is found in the Commentary of R’dak. See also Moreh Nebuchim (III, 49), where other reasons are given. have said concerning the reason for the commandment of circumcision that He has thereby placed a reminder in the organ of lust, which is the source of much trouble and sin, in order that it should not be used excepting where it is commendatory and permissible.
By way of truth,412A reference to the mystic teachings of the Torah. See Seder Bereshith, Note 63. the meaning of the verse, Behold, My covenant is with thee,413Verse 4 here. is similar in meaning to the verses: Behold, I am with thee
Moreover, Rav Samson Raphael Hirsch writes, also on Genesis 17:9:
The Divine Law seals this sign of the Covenant upon the sensual body. arel) ( 14) means to be curbed, restrained from executing complete control over a limb or an object: One is arel sefatayim, arel aznayim if one is not able to control the lip or the ear, one stutters or one is deaf; arel lev is one whose heart, with all its passions and emotions, will not subordinate itself to the mind-his heart is orlah (Deut. 10, 16). Thus the fruits of the first three years which are forbidden to be used are called orlah; the owner is arel in relation to the fruit (Lev. 19, 23) .-To be a Jew means to subordinate one's entire being to the demands of the Divine Will: Let no one become an arel in relation to his sensual body. If it is the case, the Torah refers to the semual body as orlah! The Jew has to oppose this orlah· And this opposition is expressed in the act of the Milah. Milah is derived from mul “opposite" and in the Hiphil-form "oppose'' (see Psalm 118, 10 Beshem Hashem Ki Amilam "in the name of G'd I opposed them (the enemies)"). The Milah on the flesh opposes, fights against the orlah of the body and demands its removal. For only if one's whole being (tamim) conducts itself "in freedom before G'd'' ( 1) one has met the demands of the Divine Covenant and has become a Jew.
Thus, Brit Milah, the covenant of circumcision, is about arguably the most important idea in Genesis- the creation of a binding sexual ethic. To be a Hebrew, and later to be an Israelite, is to rule over one’s sexual desires. It is to make it anathema to take an innocent maiden and rape her. It is to create a situation where Judah recognizes his responsibilities and fulfills them, even though he is late to do so. It is to manifest a Joseph who remembers his responsibilities and that he may not lie with another man’s wife. In the Midrash, Joseph remembers not to lie with Potiphar’s wife because he suddenly sees an image of his father Jacob and realizes he would be ashamed before him if he did this. But his circumcised anatomy would have been just as potent a reminder.
As this article on Chabad.org puts it
Circumcision is a tangible reminder to all men that they are the masters of their bodies, that they are in control of their sexual urges. Cutting back the foreskin represents tapering the self-centered nature of lust. It’s not only about me, but about another person’s dignity and desires. It’s not all about the pleasure that I want, but about the pleasure that G‑d wants me to have.
Perhaps this reasoning behind circumcision can account for the Talmud’s statement that women are born naturally circumcised. Generally speaking, a woman’s nature is not to dominate someone whom she desires. Studies show that female sexual predators make up such a small percentage that there is little known about them as a group. Although women may have many imperfections, it seems that they are naturally less in danger of violating the dignity of others through their lustful impulses.
(As a side point that could be its own essay, this idea is extremely timely, coming as it does in the wake of the #MeToo movement- where the majority of the predators were men. I could also connect it to contemporary statistics on rape and child sexual abuse, both of which are overwhelmingly perpetrated by men.)
Once you understand what Milah symbolizes, a later scene, when Dinah’s brothers tell Shechem and his city to circumcise themselves, makes much more sense. Here’s how that scene, which takes place after the rape of Dinah, goes down:
וַיַּעֲנ֨וּ בְנֵֽי־יַעֲקֹ֜ב אֶת־שְׁכֶ֨ם וְאֶת־חֲמ֥וֹר אָבִ֛יו בְּמִרְמָ֖ה וַיְדַבֵּ֑רוּ אֲשֶׁ֣ר טִמֵּ֔א אֵ֖ת דִּינָ֥ה אֲחֹתָֽם׃ Jacob’s sons answered Shechem and his father Hamor—speaking with guile because he had defiled their sister Dinah—
וַיֹּאמְר֣וּ אֲלֵיהֶ֗ם לֹ֤א נוּכַל֙ לַעֲשׂוֹת֙ הַדָּבָ֣ר הַזֶּ֔ה לָתֵת֙ אֶת־אֲחֹתֵ֔נוּ לְאִ֖ישׁ אֲשֶׁר־ל֣וֹ עׇרְלָ֑ה כִּֽי־חֶרְפָּ֥ה הִ֖וא לָֽנוּ׃ and said to them, “We cannot do this thing, to give our sister to a man who is uncircumcised, for that is a disgrace among us.
אַךְ־בְּזֹ֖את נֵא֣וֹת לָכֶ֑ם אִ֚ם תִּהְי֣וּ כָמֹ֔נוּ לְהִמֹּ֥ל לָכֶ֖ם כׇּל־זָכָֽר׃ Only on this condition will we agree with you; that you will become like us in that every male among you is circumcised.
וְנָתַ֤נּוּ אֶת־בְּנֹתֵ֙ינוּ֙ לָכֶ֔ם וְאֶת־בְּנֹתֵיכֶ֖ם נִֽקַּֽח־לָ֑נוּ וְיָשַׁ֣בְנוּ אִתְּכֶ֔ם וְהָיִ֖ינוּ לְעַ֥ם אֶחָֽד׃ Then we will give our daughters to you and take your daughters to ourselves; and we will dwell among you and become as one kindred.
Is rape really so easily forgiven? If Shechem, his father and the city all circumcise themselves, suddenly Dinah can be given as a prize to him?
No. Of course not. The key line is when the brothers say “Only on this condition will we agree with you; that you will become like us in that every male among you is circumcised.” When the brothers talk about becoming like us, they are not talking about a physical circumcision alone. They are talking about what circumcision represents- the rise of a sexual ethic, one that would never have permitted Shechem to have taken, let alone raped Dinah, in the first place! By asking Shechem and the town to circumcise themselves, they are allowing them to really consider the meaning of the ritual. If Shechem had understood, and understood that he had done something unforgivable- in the brothers’ words “had committed an outrage in Israel by lying with Jacob’s daughter—a thing not to be done” (Genesis 34:7) then this is the moment, right after circumcising himself, that he would begin making atonement. He would apologize, he would make restitution, he would recognize that his attitude and behavior was disgusting and reprehensible.
But he doesn’t realize. The brothers give him and his townsmen three days to say something, do something, raise some kind of protest, ask some kind of forgiveness. Nobody does. At that point, they view the city of unsalvageable- just as Sodom and Gomorrah, another city of sexual iniquity, was- and they put it to the sword.
In the words of Leon R. Kass, author of brilliant book The Beginning of Wisdom: Reading Genesis:
The Israelites are, of course, not the only people who practice male circumcision. But with them, the ritual has a high and special meaning: it is the sign of the covenant God made with Abraham, the founder. Our earlier discussion of this covenantal circumcision emphasized, among other things, its implicit sanctification of procreation and lineage and its implicit teaching of the spiritual pointings of the parental task and the importance of male sexual self-restraint. For people not properly disposed toward these teachings, circumcision will have an entirely different meaning.
Shechem, the rapist, was psychically as well as physically uncircumcised. First, he acted as if his lust entitled him to have his way with Dinah. Afterward, the ground of his claim shifted to his desire, to his longing for her. The generative meaning of sexuality and the attendant reverence owed to womanly shame he understood not at all; much less did he have in mind a right partner for the future work of transmission. And he will soon lead his entire city into destruction just so that he can satisfy his heart’s desire. The Shechemites, like Shechem himself, will submit to circumcision, but with no understanding of what it means, in itself, and especially, to the Israelites. Shechemite circumcision turns out to be a parody of the covenant, just as Shechem’s request to be given a bride whom he had already taken and defiled was a parody of a proper marriage proposal.
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It is due to the Israelite understanding of the term “circumcise,” one that speaks to self control, that the Torah uses the word “circumcise” in other contexts as well- most notably, when it speaks of circumcising the heart. Because to circumcise, at the end of the day, is not just about removing a piece of skin from male anatomy. It is about understanding the responsibilities that entails, the sexual ethic that involves, and the idea of restraint- which is, at its heart, the entire meaning of what it means to be kadosh (holy) and to behave in a manner that fosters kedusha (holiness).
God promises that the day will come when He will
וּמָל יְהוָה אֱלֹהֶיךָ אֶת-לְבָבְךָ, וְאֶת-לְבַב זַרְעֶךָ: לְאַהֲבָה אֶת-יְהוָה אֱלֹהֶיךָ, בְּכָל-לְבָבְךָ וּבְכָל-נַפְשְׁךָ--לְמַעַן חַיֶּיךָ.6
And the LORD thy God will circumcise thy heart, and the heart of thy seed, to love the LORD thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, that thou mayest live.
May it be soon!