Insights from Past Parshiot: Judah Lives Jacob's Life
(I thought I had already explained this concept in a different blogpost of mine, but I presented the idea at my Shabbat table and my husband said no, that post only addressed one idea- I should write this up in full. So I am doing that.)
There’s a type of movie where someone learns empathy through experiencing the lives of others. Examples include ‘Groundhog Day,’ where the main character learns to have patience for the foibles of others (and improve himself) after getting to know them and ‘Freaky Friday,’ where parents swap lives with kids and the kids come to realize some of the challenges and dreams their parents have.
I think this is actually the story of Judah. Judah lacks empathy for the experience of his father. To resolve this, God makes him live his father’s life.
When we first meet Judah in an active role (Genesis 37:26-27), he declares
וַיֹּ֥אמֶר יְהוּדָ֖ה אֶל־אֶחָ֑יו מַה־בֶּ֗צַע כִּ֤י נַהֲרֹג֙ אֶת־אָחִ֔ינוּ וְכִסִּ֖ינוּ אֶת־דָּמֽוֹ׃
Then Judah said to his brothers, “What do we profit by killing our brother and covering up his blood?
לְכ֞וּ וְנִמְכְּרֶ֣נּוּ לַיִּשְׁמְעֵאלִ֗ים וְיָדֵ֙נוּ֙ אַל־תְּהִי־ב֔וֹ כִּֽי־אָחִ֥ינוּ בְשָׂרֵ֖נוּ ה֑וּא וַֽיִּשְׁמְע֖וּ אֶחָֽיו׃
Come, let us sell him to the Ishmaelites, but let us not do away with him ourselves. After all, he is our brother, our own flesh.” His brothers agreed.
At this point, Judah is focused only on the immediate needs of himself and his brothers. His father’s reaction to this tragic choice does not even enter his mind- or he believes that his father may initially be shocked but will be able to get over it.
It becomes clear that Jacob will never get over it. See Genesis 37:35.
וַיָּקֻ֩מוּ֩ כׇל־בָּנָ֨יו וְכׇל־בְּנֹתָ֜יו לְנַחֲמ֗וֹ וַיְמָאֵן֙ לְהִתְנַחֵ֔ם וַיֹּ֕אמֶר כִּֽי־אֵרֵ֧ד אֶל־בְּנִ֛י אָבֵ֖ל שְׁאֹ֑לָה וַיֵּ֥בְךְּ אֹת֖וֹ אָבִֽיו׃
All his sons and daughters sought to comfort him; but he refused to be comforted, saying, “No, I will go down mourning to my son in Sheol.” Thus his father bewailed him.
(Every time I read this pasuk I think of the famous Humpty Dumpty rhyme- All the king’s horses/ and all the king’s men/ couldn’t put Humpty together again. It’s the exact principle- all Jacob’s daughters and sons could not comfort him over the loss of one child.)
At this point, Judah falls out of favor with his brothers and separates from them. (This parallels Jacob falling out of favor with Esau due to his having deceived his father and stolen the blessings. Jacob subsequently moves away, just as Judah moves away. Note as well that Jacob deceived his father by wearing Esau’s clothing and Judah and his brothers deceive Jacob through presenting Joseph’s clothing and allowing him to draw the wrong conclusion about what occurred.)
Now Judah does something extraordinary- he marries the daughter of a Canaanite. Given that Jacob was explicitly told not to marry a Canaanite woman, Judah’s having done so demonstrates how far he has drifted from the rules and values of his family. Nowadays, we would refer to Judah’s behavior as someone going OTD (off the derech).
Judah has three sons. He marries the first off to a woman named Tamar. Unwilling to mar Tamar’s beauty, the first chooses not to actually spill his seed within her. God strikes him down. The same happens to the second. And so, fearful about his third son, this is what Judah resolves-
וַיֹּ֣אמֶר יְהוּדָה֩ לְתָמָ֨ר כַּלָּת֜וֹ שְׁבִ֧י אַלְמָנָ֣ה בֵית־אָבִ֗יךְ עַד־יִגְדַּל֙ שֵׁלָ֣ה בְנִ֔י כִּ֣י אָמַ֔ר פֶּן־יָמ֥וּת גַּם־ה֖וּא כְּאֶחָ֑יו וַתֵּ֣לֶךְ תָּמָ֔ר וַתֵּ֖שֶׁב בֵּ֥ית אָבִֽיהָ׃
Then Judah said to his daughter-in-law Tamar, “Stay as a widow in your father’s house until my son Shelah grows up”—for he thought, “He too might die like his brothers.” So Tamar went to live in her father’s house.
Later, Jacob will be in this exact situation. Joseph is gone. Simeon is gone (locked up in the viceroy’s dungeon). Jacob does not want to let Benjamin go down to Egypt with the brothers- because he worries that something terrible will befall Benjamin, and he will die.
See how Jacob addresses this concern in various places:
וַיֹּ֤אמֶר אֲלֵהֶם֙ יַעֲקֹ֣ב אֲבִיהֶ֔ם אֹתִ֖י שִׁכַּלְתֶּ֑ם יוֹסֵ֤ף אֵינֶ֙נּוּ֙ וְשִׁמְע֣וֹן אֵינֶ֔נּוּ וְאֶת־בִּנְיָמִ֣ן תִּקָּ֔חוּ עָלַ֖י הָי֥וּ כֻלָּֽנָה׃ Their father Jacob said to them, “It is always me that you bereave: Joseph is no more and Simeon is no more, and now you would take away Benjamin. These things always happen to me!”
Judah will understand this because he has lived this exact situation.
There are even more parallels. Judah’s wife dies-
וַיִּרְבּוּ֙ הַיָּמִ֔ים וַתָּ֖מׇת בַּת־שׁ֣וּעַ אֵֽשֶׁת־יְהוּדָ֑ה וַיִּנָּ֣חֶם יְהוּדָ֗ה וַיַּ֜עַל עַל־גֹּֽזְזֵ֤י צֹאנוֹ֙ ה֗וּא וְחִירָ֛ה רֵעֵ֥הוּ הָעֲדֻלָּמִ֖י תִּמְנָֽתָה׃
A long time afterward, Shua’s daughter, the wife of Judah, died. When cLit. “he was comforted.”his period of mourning was over,-c Judah went up to Timnah to his sheepshearers, together with his friend Hirah the Adullamite.
This is of course a parallel to the death of Rachel, Jacob’s wife. See Genesis 35:19.
וַתָּ֖מׇת רָחֵ֑ל וַתִּקָּבֵר֙ בְּדֶ֣רֶךְ אֶפְרָ֔תָה הִ֖וא בֵּ֥ית לָֽחֶם׃ Thus Rachel died. She was buried on the road to Ephrath—now Bethlehem.
So now Judah knows what it is like to lose a wife- and to have Shelah as the sole remnant of his marriage (since his older siblings have died).
Tamar has grown tired of being kept in a state of perpetual betrothal to Shelah and decides to take matters into her own hands- disguising herself so that Judah can sleep with her. Judah believes she is one kind of woman- a prostitute- but later discovers she is someone very different- his daughter in law.
This parallels the story of Jacob, where he believes he is being intimate with Rachel only to discover upon seeing her in the morning light that in fact it was Leah.
Tamar gives birth to two sons that in theory could “replace” the two children Judah lost. But they don’t replace them, and Judah does not rebuild his family with Tamar. The text is explicit about that.
וַיַּכֵּ֣ר יְהוּדָ֗ה וַיֹּ֙אמֶר֙ צָֽדְקָ֣ה מִמֶּ֔נִּי כִּֽי־עַל־כֵּ֥ן לֹא־נְתַתִּ֖יהָ לְשֵׁלָ֣ה בְנִ֑י וְלֹֽא־יָסַ֥ף ע֖וֹד לְדַעְתָּֽהּ׃
Judah recognized them, and said, “She is more in the right than I, inasmuch as I did not give her to my son Shelah.” And he was not intimate with her again.
Finally Judah has learned to understand that a different set of sons cannot make up for the loss of particular sons. In the same way that Peretz and Zerah do not make up for the loss of Er and Onan, none of Jacob’s daughters and sons can make up for the loss of Joseph.
Having lived through all of this gives Judah the depth of understanding that Reuben lacks. Reuben offers to slaughter his own two sons if Benjamin does not return in one piece. Judah, who has actually lived though the deaths of his two sons, understands that this is far more challenging than Reuben can grasp, and moreover, these exchanges don’t work. The death of two sons won’t match the loss of Benjamin just like all the efforts of everyone in Jacob’s family could not match the loss of Joseph. Loss is specific to the person involved.
This is why Judah instead declares that he will stand guilty before his father forever if he does not succeed in bringing Benjamin home.
Once in Egypt, all of the brothers undergo a parallel to Jacob’s life. The silver goblet has been secreted in Benjamin’s pack. The brothers declare (in Genesis 44: 7-9):
וַיֹּאמְר֣וּ אֵלָ֔יו לָ֚מָּה יְדַבֵּ֣ר אֲדֹנִ֔י כַּדְּבָרִ֖ים הָאֵ֑לֶּה חָלִ֙ילָה֙ לַעֲבָדֶ֔יךָ מֵעֲשׂ֖וֹת כַּדָּבָ֥ר הַזֶּֽה׃
And they said to him, “Why does my lord say such things? Far be it from your servants to do anything of the kind!
הֵ֣ן כֶּ֗סֶף אֲשֶׁ֤ר מָצָ֙אנוּ֙ בְּפִ֣י אַמְתְּחֹתֵ֔ינוּ הֱשִׁיבֹ֥נוּ אֵלֶ֖יךָ מֵאֶ֣רֶץ כְּנָ֑עַן וְאֵ֗יךְ נִגְנֹב֙ מִבֵּ֣ית אֲדֹנֶ֔יךָ כֶּ֖סֶף א֥וֹ זָהָֽב׃
Here we brought back to you from the land of Canaan the money that we found in the mouths of our bags. How then could we have stolen any silver or gold from your master’s house!
אֲשֶׁ֨ר יִמָּצֵ֥א אִתּ֛וֹ מֵעֲבָדֶ֖יךָ וָמֵ֑ת וְגַם־אֲנַ֕חְנוּ נִֽהְיֶ֥ה לַֽאדֹנִ֖י לַעֲבָדִֽים׃
Whichever of your servants it is found with shall die; the rest of us, moreover, shall become slaves to my lord.”
This harks back to the scene where Rachel took the Terafim.
עִ֠ם אֲשֶׁ֨ר תִּמְצָ֣א אֶת־אֱלֹהֶ֘יךָ֮ לֹ֣א יִֽחְיֶה֒ נֶ֣גֶד אַחֵ֧ינוּ הַֽכֶּר־לְךָ֛ מָ֥ה עִמָּדִ֖י וְקַֽח־לָ֑ךְ וְלֹֽא־יָדַ֣ע יַעֲקֹ֔ב כִּ֥י רָחֵ֖ל גְּנָבָֽתַם׃ But anyone with whom you find your gods shall not remain alive! In the presence of our kinsmen, point out what I have of yours and take it.” Jacob, of course, did not know that Rachel had stolen them.
Since all the brothers agree when they declare that whoever is found to possess the cup shall die, it must have struck Judah to the heart to realize that he, who had sworn to serve as surety for Benjamin, would now have been the unwitting agent of his death…
(It is unclear whether Jacob ever learned that Rachel had taken the terafim but there is a possibility he did- see Genesis 35:2. Note that shortly afterwards in Chapter 35 she dies.)
Either way, Judah has gone through so many experiences that parallel his father’s life. And so, he has also learned how to feel empathy for and understand his father. This is what leads him to fight for Benjamin’s life, offer up his life instead, and most of all, keep on framing the entire story as being about his father and the impact that taking Benjamin away will have on his father. (Count how many times the word ‘father’ is used in his speech to Joseph!)
It’s a far cry from the boy who pragmatically declared, “What profit will there be if we kill our brother? Let’s sell him instead.”
That boy thought he and his brothers could serve as a replacement for Joseph. He didn’t think of his father at all- or assumed his father could be easily comforted.
But then that boy became a father. He lost two sons. He jealously guarded the third. He lost his wife. He was deceived by a woman he thought he knew.
The man who has emerged from all of that is a man who understands fatherhood, loss, betrayal, grief and pain. He is the man who can fight for Benjamin, because he knows what Benjamin means to Jacob.
But none of it would have been possible if he had not first lived his father’s life.