Do you ever feel low?
Most of us do. Most of us have moments or moods where we feel really low.
But it’s worse if you’ve done something, or believe you have done something, that leads to you feeling like you deserve to feel low. And it’s worse still if in turn that leads to you feeling like you are a worthless person, destined for failure, and that life will never improve.
That’s when I recommend reading Let Us Make Man: Self Esteem Through Jewishness by Rabbi Dr. Abraham J. Twerski. (I reread it this Shabbat- I was looking for sources on self esteem, but I found so much more than I had remembered. Unfortunately, it’s out of print, but chances are high that your local Jewish library or shul has a copy. It’s such an excellent book. Buy a used copy if you can find one.)
I’m going to excerpt various sections below.
The daily morning prayer, “My G-d, the soul You have given me is pure,” should be said with special concentration. Just as a precious gem, when first mined, is covered with layers of earth and its true beauty is concealed until it is cleaned and polished, so the neshama of a person is pure and brilliant, and its essence remains unaffected by any impurities which may overlay it. Every person has the capacity to cleanse these impurities and to reveal the brilliance of the Divine essence within him.
-page 197
What does it mean to be human?
The ability to be master of one’s drives rather than enslaved by them is uniquely human, and that is the essence of man. The definition of man is not as biologists claim, Homo sapiens, which translates into “a gorilla with intellect.” Intellect is the ability to acquire knowledge, to understand what one has learned, and to know how to apply this knowledge. One can have all of these and still be under the domination of one’s internal drives. Spirituality is the development of control over one’s self, to be able to use one’s body as a means toward a transcendental goal. It is not man’s intellect alone which distinguishes him from other forms of life, but rather his spirituality, his ability to become master of his own person, a mastery which he achieves by his own efforts. In accomplishing this, man becomes the being that G-d intended.
-page 75
Then there two chapters that I love in their entirety, ‘The Biologic Composition of Man’ and ‘Guilt and Teshuva.’ I’ll begin with excerpts from the first.
THE BIOLOGIC COMPOSITION OF MAN
We have mentioned that one of the components of positive self-esteem is a feeling of worthiness. We may question our worthiness when we do our personal inventories and discover within ourselves various traits, impulses, desires, and cravings that are base and evil, and which we would prefer to disown. Let us see what Torah says about this.
The Midrash says that when Moses ascended to heaven to receive the Torah, the heavenly host demanded that the Torah be given to them, because earthlings were undeserving of something so precious. G-d then instructed Moses to rebut the angels’ argument.
“In the Torah it is written,” Moses responded, “that you shall not steal. Is there a possibility of theft among angels? It is written that you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife. Do angels have wives that dare not be coveted?” In this manner Moses continued to enumerate the various commandments of the Torah that clearly are inapplicable to the heavenly angels and can have relevance only for humans, and thus Moses succeeded in bringing the Torah down to earth.
The Midrash is telling us that the Torah was given to humans precisely because humans have those drives and desires which must be brought under the domination of the spirit.
There is another Midrash that expands on this theme. It relates that a king who heard of the greatness of Moses’ achievements sent his finest artists to the desert encampment of the Israelites to draw the image of Moses. Upon their return he submitted the drawing to his wise men who were physiognomists and who could deduce a person’s character by studying his facial features. After analyzing the likeness of Moses, they reported that this face reflected a person who is vain, avariciouos, gluttonous, and immoral.
These conclusions so diverged from what the king had heard of Moses that he decided to visit Moses in person. Upon their meeting, the king expressed surprise at the grossly erroneous interpretation of the physiognomists.
“What your wise men said of me is true,” Moses said, “insofar as all those traits which they described are indeed part of my biologic makeup. Yes, my body has all those base drives, but I have overcome them and have channelled their energies into other directions.”
According to these Midrashim, we ought not to be alarmed if we discover within ourselves various drives and feelings that we would prefer to think are foreign to us. One can obtain a thorough understanding of what drives comprise a human being by going down the list of the 365 Torah prohibitions. Each of them was given to counter a tendency that exists within ourselves. We have no need for any depth psychoanalysis to discover what kinds of drives exist in our unconscious. They number 365, and include virtually every type of despicable behavior. These biological drives, however, are not evil in their mere presence, but become evil if we allow them to become manifest in our behavior, and to influence the way we think and act.
We may thus become aware that we have thoughts and impulses that are petty or base, that we can lust, envy, or hate, feelings which we condemn. The Midrash tells us that these feelings are not alien to us, but rather are parts of our biologic composition. they are the animal components within us, which we must convert to man.
What are we to do with these feelings? The works on ethics abound in instructions on how to direct them into constructive channels. Lust should be directed toward love for G-d, hate towards despising evil, envy toward aspiring to the achievements of those who have acquired knowledge and wisdom.
Can we ever totally dispose of those impulses and drives of which we would like to rid ourselves? By our own efforts we can only suppress them or redirect them toward constructive goals. We cannot change our biology. However, we can ask G-d for Divine grace in removing those character traits we wish to shed.
Whether G-d responds to our prayers to remove unwanted feelings, or whether He chooses in His infinite wisdom to have us continue our struggle for mastery is obviously out of our hands. One thing is certain, however. It is premature to ask for Divine grace in relieving us of unwanted feelings unless we have done our utmost to achieve mastery over them.
-pages 76-78
The section on ‘Guilt and Teshuva’ is also profound.
The great Rebbe of Kotzk said, “Regardless of whether one thinks of a sin longingly or whether one reflects upon it with great remorse, the fact is that in either case the mind is occupied with sin. Sin is like mud, and regardless of which way you handle it, you get muddy.” The prophet said, “Your sin will be removed and your transgression will be forgiven” (Isaiah 6:7). After sincere tshuva has been accomplished, we must believe in the words of the prophet and get on with the work before us.
We generally assume that the yetzer hara (the tempter) tries to lead us astray only by inciting us to do forbidden acts. This is not true. The function of the yetzer hara is to destroy us, and it is immaterial to him how this is accomplished. He can certainly paralyze us by throwing us into depression and so draining our energies that we cannot accomplish our purpose in life, and to him that is a conquest. He can be so deceptive as to wrap himself in a cloak of piety, as though he were trying to assist us in doing tshuva. He then tries to have us ruminate about our past mistakes and be so saddened and discouraged that we cannot act constructively. We must be as aware of these machinations of the yetzer hara as with those more familiar to us.
“How can you undertake to do mitzvos,” the yetzer hara asks, “when you are so full of unrequited sins? Do you think G-d is the least bit interested in your study of Torah or in your performance of mitzvos when you are so contaminated? First you must do a more sincere tshuva before you can approach Torah and mitzvos.” In this fashion he can successfully prevent one from acting constructively, while concealing his evil intent under the guise of being a moralist.
The Rebbe of Porisov suggested that one discontinue all dialogue with the yetzer hara. He illustrated this with the story of a drunkard who asked the bartender for another drink, but did not have the money to pay for it. “I already owe you for ten drinks,” the drunkard said, “so let it be eleven. What difference does another drink make?” The bartender, wishing to get rid of the drunk said, “Forget it, you owe me nothing! Now just get out of here!”
Sometimes the yetzer hara will use the argument, “You have already done so many sins, why are you making such a fuss about this next one?” At this point one must respond, “I have just done tshuva on all my past sins. They do not exist anymore. I have a clean slate. Now go away and leave me alone.” It is to the yetzer hara's advantage to make you question the validity of your tshuva and have you believe that you are still somehow involved with him.
-pages 83-84
He also writes about living with conflict, including living with pain or suffering.
The Talmud states that Rabbi Jochanan would comfort the bereaved by relating that he had lost ten children (Berachos 5b). This was not an attempt to minimize another’s sorrow by claiming that his own miseries were greater. Rather, Rabbi Jochanan was sharing his strength and faith, pointing out that it is possible to survive intense grief and continue to function to fulfill the Divine will.
When the Talmud states that one must accept adversity with simcha, it means not joy, but faith and trust that the suffering is not in vain, and that there is some transcendental purpose to the suffering. This does not at all eliminate the pain, nor does it answer the questions, “Why?” or “Why me?” It can, however, give one the courage and strength to withstand tragedy, survive disaster, and cope with distress.
-pages 105-106
He also explains why it is precisely people who have a strong capacity for good that may fall prey to feelings of despair, worthlessness and self hatred.
It is the work of the sitra achra which prevents us from seeing G-dliness everywhere in the universe, and it is the work of the sitra achra that prevents us from seeing the nearly infinite capacities and the G-dliness within ourselves. Thus, low self-esteem is nothing but the triumph of the sitra achrra. The great chassidic works are replete with references to the efforts of the sitra achra to inhibit spiritual growth and achievement by leading man into self-deprecation and depression.
Earlier in the discussion of the manifestation of the negative self-image it was noted that the most profound feelings of inadequacy often occur precisely in people who are highly gifted. The reason for this phenomenon now becomes apparent.
We have mentioned that in order for there to be bechira there must be a balance, an equal amount of force on either side of an issue. Whenever or wherever there is greater intensity of kedusha, there must also be an equivalent counterforce of tumah (impurity). When there was a prophet in kedusha of the stature of Moses, there had to be a prophet of evil of the stature of Bilam, whose powers of tumah were equivalent in force to the kedusha of Moses. When there was a great revelation of the Divine presence during the existence of the sanctuary, there was an equivalent counterforce of avodah zarah (idolatry). The principle of equilibrium is always maintained to permit man to have true freedom of moral choice.
We can now understand that in those people who are most gifted and best endowed with creative potential, the sitra achra exerts a greater force to prevent them from recognizing their true composition. They are therefore driven into depths of low self-esteem that are more profound than in those of lesser qualifications. As long as the sitra achra has the upper hand, these highly gifted people feel most inadequate, and may even despair of themselves because of the tremendous counter-force of delusion that is operative to prevent a true self-perception. This principle is explicitly stated in Torah: “Whoever is greater than another has a yetzer hara that is correspondingly greater” (Succa 52a).
The triumph over the sitra achra, which is essentially the mission oof man in this world, allows the recognition of truth, the perception of the truth of the presence of G-d everywhere in the universe and the presence of the Divine powers within man himself. Throwing off the delusions wrought by the sitra achra enables the emergence of man’s creative forces, reveals man’s enormous potential for growth, and permits the realization of self that comprises a positive self-esteem.
Triumph over the sitra achra is not a one time event. Even when achieved, man’s struggle to maintain the perception of truth continues. Indeed, since the forces of the sitra achra are always equal and opposite to the forces of kedusha, the vanquishing of the sitra achra will cause it to renew and intensify its efforts to delude man and throw him into the abyss of self-depreciation and despair.
-pages 145-147
Life is challenging. You will make choices that don’t become you at some point along the journey. At that point, you can hate yourself or you can try to act differently moving forward. Knowing that the hatred is actually your yetzer hara trying to stop you from fulfilling your potential in the world will assist you in throwing off that emotion. The focus is on moving forward- on making good choices going forward- not on forever thinking of yourself as evil.
Of course, all of this is easier said than done- but that’s the journey, to internalize this and move forward.
Also, Rabbi Twerski had incredible knowledge of the human soul- he must have been blessed with Divine insight. How unfortunate for us that he is no longer with us, but how lucky we are to still benefit from his wonderful writings.