Heshy took me to see “Doubt,” a play performed at the Skokie Theater. (See playbill here. Note: This review will include spoilers).
“Doubt” focuses on a rigidly conservative nun’s investigation into a priest whom she believes has sexually molested a child at the school she runs. The play takes us on a journey in which we see her beliefs, the internal struggles of a younger sister named Sister James, and the reason the mother of the student who may have been harmed prefers to turn a blind eye. It’s a riveting, upsetting and impactful drama- there are lines that make you laugh and lines that make you cry.
The actress who played Sister Aloysius, Judy Rossignuolo-Rice, was outstanding. I want to see any production she is in. I was literally on the edge of my seat watching her scenes- I didn’t believe it was a play- it felt real.
I’ve read a lot of books and seen a lot of movies but rarely have I seen a character where I thought-in their entirety- that’s me. In this production, however, I did. I am Sister James.
Sister James is a young nun who has a passion for teaching history, is dramatic and performs as if on stage in her classroom. She thinks that kindness towards kids is the way to go as opposed to fear and discipline. She believes in progressive education. And above all else, she doesn’t want to be the kind of person who is suspicious of others and their motives. She wants to live in the kind of world that doesn’t operate that way. Sister Aloysius summons Sister James and tells her to be cautious, to be careful, to think more about the possibilities. She warns her she cannot afford an excessively innocent teacher in her eighth grade classroom. She tells her to be alert. In her words
SISTER ALOYSIUS. Look at you. You’d trade anything for a warm look. I’m telling you here and now. I want to see the starch in your character cultivated. If you are looking for reassurance, you can be fooled. If you forget yourself and study others, you will not be fooled. It’s important.
It is due to this conversation that Sister James confides her concerns about the priest, Father Flynn, to Sister Aloysius. But here’s the thing- Sister James doesn’t really want to believe what she has seen.
This leads to some powerful and upsetting exchanges, lines that have been playing through my head since last night.
SISTER JAMES. I’ve been trying to become more cold in my thinking as you suggested…I feel as if I’ve lost my way a little, Sister Aloysius. I had the most terrible dream last night. I want to be guided by you and responsible to the children, but I want my peace of mind. I must tell you I have been longing for the return of my peace of mind.
SISTER ALOYSIUS. You may not have it. It is not your place to be complacent. That’s for the children. That’s what we give them.
SISTER JAMES. I think I’m starting to understand you a little. But it’s so unsettling to look at things and people with suspicion. It feels as if I’m less close to God.
And then there is
SISTER JAMES. But maybe that is all that needs to be done. If it’s true. If I had done something awful, and I was confronted with it, I’d be so repentant.
SISTER ALOYSIUS. Sister James, my dear, you must try to imagine a very different kind of person than yourself. A man who would do this has already denied a great deal. If I tell the monsignor and he is satisfied with Father Flynn’s rebuttal, the matter is suppressed.
The way those lines were delivered is something I can’t describe. Sister James, so hopeful, so much wanting to believe that Father Flynn is who he seems to be, so certain that he is a person just like her. And meanwhile Sister Aloysius, so much more suspicious, but with good reason, explaining that Sister James and Father Flynn are not in fact alike.
There’s a scene where Father Flynn offers an explanation that seems to satisfy everything Sister James witnessed. She’s effusive in her relief.
SISTER JAMES. Oh, what a relief! That explains everything! Thanks be to God! Oh, Sister, look, it’s all a mistake!
Sister Aloysius is not convinced. In a later conversation between her and Sister James, she makes a devastating remark, one that’s been on repeat in my mind ever since.
SISTER ALOYSIUS. You believe him?
SISTER JAMES. Of course.
SISTER ALOYSIUS. Isn’t it more that it’s easier to believe him?
SISTER JAMES. But we can corroborate his story with Mr. McGinn!
SISTER ALOYSIUS. Yes. These types of people are clever. They’re not so easily undone.
SISTER JAMES. Well, I’m convinced!
SISTER ALOYSIUS. You’re not. You just want things to be resolved so you can have your simplicity back.
Later on there’s another scene.
SISTER JAMES. I wish I could be like you.
SISTER ALOYSIUS. Why?
SISTER JAMES. Because I can’t sleep at night anymore. Everything seems uncertain to me.
SISTER ALOYSIUS. Maybe we’re not supposed to sleep so well.
There’s a line that appears earlier in the play that sums up the overall takeaway.
SISTER ALOYSIUS. If I could, Sister James, I would certainly choose to live in innocence. But innocence can only be wisdom in a world without evil. Situations arise, and we are confronted with wrongdoing and the need to act.
There’s so much in this play that speaks to me- what it’s like to be in doubt, to be uncertain, to harbor suspicions you wish you did not have, to want to be innocent in a world that doesn’t allow it, and to struggle with what the right thing is to do in any situation. I’m not talking about child molestation specifically here- I’m talking more broadly. We live in a world where we are consistently confronted by difficult choices and it would be easier to close our eyes and pretend not to see.
But what to do when there truly is no proof either way? What then?
That is the place between, the place where I- and Sister James- can’t sleep.