CW: Mental illness, eating disorder, suicide
Each year our school runs a unique program for its female students. It was known as ‘ICJA Takes the Runway’ for some time, and this year became ‘ICJA Takes the Stage.’ It is now sponsored by the Ralla Klepak Foundation for Education in the Performing Arts; during previous years, it was sponsored by the Novak-Stadlan families.
The program commemorates the life of Batsheva Chaya Stadlan z”l.
So who was Batsheva?
Batsheva was my student.
Batsheva was bright, happy, lit up, joyful, kind and eager to do chesed (acts of service learning and loving kindness). She was fashionable- every day she wore beautiful outfits to class, and we enjoyed her look and her style. She made the world sparkle.
At the same time, Batsheva struggled. Her mother wrote about it in a wrenching post published at the Times of Israel blog.
The next day we took a boat trip out to go snorkeling. Batsheva participated but decided to come out of the water early and sit quietly on the boat. She seemed serene and deep in thought. I asked her if she was okay and she replied, ‘Yes, mom. I’m fine.’ On the return boat trip back to the resort, I noticed how my family seemed so happy to be together and I actively told myself to remember this moment—a similar moment when we, just my family, were dancing together at the s’machot, Bat and Bar Mitzvah celebrations of my children—to remember, to note, how much happiness I was feeling at that moment and how lucky I was to have such a wonderful husband and such beautiful and incredible children.
In retrospect, however, this was the moment where Batsheva most likely decided to go forward with a plan to rid herself of the excruciating pain that her anxiety, eating disorder and depression -essentially, her very bad brain disease- was causing her. That was her marker- her before and after.
Batsheva’s family chose to be open about her manner of death. They did that deliberately- because they wanted to create a world where people like Batsheva would have been able to be open about their struggles, and could have expected to receive support rather than feeling censured or shame. Students began the Erika’s Lighthouse Mental Health Awareness club at our school in part as a reaction to her passing, in the hope of creating an environment that was actively welcoming, supportive and would help students have a better understanding of mental health and mental illness.
This year, as Batsheva’s 5 year yahrtzeit approaches, there is a campaign on Instagram called ForBat7.
The link to share your story is here.
Today all of our female students will be engaging in a special learning program לעילוי נשמת בתשבע חיה בת נועם יגאל ורנה.
Our learning program (see link to packet here) takes the theme of the performance “From Drab to Fab” and connects it to Jewish texts and sources. We focus on hiddur mitzvah (the idea of beautifying a mitzvah), the limits to that (making sure the whole community can celebrate mitzvot in a dignified way), how acts of kindness/ altruism can lift our spirits, and what the difference between low self-esteem and humility is. Over the course of the packet, you will see the shift from beautifying a mitzvah to beautifying ourselves as individuals through those mitzvot.
I was affected by Batsheva’s death, and taking concrete action to honor her memory is a way of feeling like there is still something I can do for her.
Similarly, if you would like to take time to learn through the packet - or any other Jewish text that is meaningful to you- for the zechut (merit) of Batsheva Chaya daughter of Noam Yigal and Rina, that would be much appreciated.