There are two people David loves.
One is Jonathan.
One is Absalom.
Everyone else in David’s life has unique qualities he admires in them, or they are people who can prove useful to him. But he doesn’t love them.
This, of course, begs the question: what happens to David after Jonathan dies? How does he function in a world without him?
In order to answer this question, we first need to elaborate upon the bond between the two of them, the reason for the bond, and the role Jonathan fulfills for David.
The Bond
Jonathan and David are forever tied because they have the same immense, reckless faith in God.
One day, Jonathan impulsively decides to attack a Philistine general and start a rebellion. According to Malbim, he does not consult with his father Saul on this.
ויך יונתן את נציב פלשתים עשה זאת שלא מדעת אביו, ומזה נסתבב כי שמעו פלשתים, ועל ידי כן ושאול תקע בשופר בכל הארץ, כי אחר ששלח את העם לאוהליו הוצרך להודיעם שישמעו להכין את עצמם למלחמה:
Saul is now left to fight an impossible war he had not wanted to start. He makes problematic choices. Jonathan, in contrast, decides to take on 30,000 Philistine chariots and 6000 Philistine horsemen with no one but his armor bearer. Once again, he does not tell his father.
וַיְהִ֣י הַיּ֗וֹם וַיֹּ֨אמֶר יוֹנָתָ֤ן בֶּן־שָׁאוּל֙ אֶל־הַנַּ֙עַר֙ נֹשֵׂ֣א כֵלָ֔יו לְכָ֗ה וְנַעְבְּרָה֙ אֶל־מַצַּ֣ב פְּלִשְׁתִּ֔ים אֲשֶׁ֖ר מֵעֵ֣בֶר הַלָּ֑ז וּלְאָבִ֖יו לֹ֥א הִגִּֽיד׃ One day, Jonathan son of Saul said to the attendant who carried his arms, “Come, let us cross over to the Philistine garrison on the other side”; but he did not tell his father.
Jonathan comes up with a series of signs that will enable himself and his armor bearer to know whether God is on their side. As it turns out, God is on their side. God is so much on their side that He miraculously brings terror upon all the Philistines, causing them to flee in fear.
Jonathan continues to clash with his father when he eats on a fast day (although he was unaware they were supposed to be fasting) and critiques his father’s decisions. He is even about to be put to death by his father, but the people ransom him back.
So that’s Jonathan- reckless, headstrong, impulsive, brave, independent and full of faith. It’s not only that he believes in God; it’s that he will risk his life for God. (Remember, it was only him and his armor-bearer against 30,000 chariots and 6000 horsemen!) And he’s willing to die if God wills it.
Enter David.
David too seems to have challenges with his father. At the very least, his father does not see any spark of leadership or kingship in him. It is Samuel, the prophet, who has to urge Jesse to send for him (upon the anointing). The Midrash has a powerful understanding of David’s backstory, one that speaks to me, because I think it explains all of his subsequent actions. In the Midrashic rendering, David, like Jon Snow, grows up the equivalent of a bastard in the house of Jesse. (I wrote about the parallels here, and elaborated on them in depth in my podcast here. Note I only post sporadically when it comes to my podcast.)
But David has God.
Despite being sent to the battleground as an errand boy, David shows himself to be someone else. He’s the man who will fight Goliath. But it’s not just that he is willing to risk his life to fight Goliath. It is how he fights Goliath. He gives a magnificent speech- one of my favorites in Tanakh.
וַיֹּ֤אמֶר דָּוִד֙ אֶל־הַפְּלִשְׁתִּ֔י אַתָּה֙ בָּ֣א אֵלַ֔י בְּחֶ֖רֶב וּבַחֲנִ֣ית וּבְכִיד֑וֹן וְאָנֹכִ֣י בָֽא־אֵלֶ֗יךָ בְּשֵׁם֙ יְהֹוָ֣ה צְבָא֔וֹת אֱלֹהֵ֛י מַעַרְכ֥וֹת יִשְׂרָאֵ֖ל אֲשֶׁ֥ר חֵרַֽפְתָּ׃ David replied to the Philistine, “You come against me with sword and spear and javelin; but I come against you in the name of the LORD of Hosts, the God of the ranks of Israel, whom you have defied.
הַיּ֣וֹם הַזֶּ֡ה יְסַגֶּרְךָ֩ יְהֹוָ֨ה בְּיָדִ֜י וְהִכִּיתִ֗ךָ וַהֲסִרֹתִ֤י אֶת־רֹֽאשְׁךָ֙ מֵעָלֶ֔יךָ וְנָ֨תַתִּ֜י פֶּ֣גֶר מַחֲנֵ֤ה פְלִשְׁתִּים֙ הַיּ֣וֹם הַזֶּ֔ה לְע֥וֹף הַשָּׁמַ֖יִם וּלְחַיַּ֣ת הָאָ֑רֶץ וְיֵֽדְעוּ֙ כׇּל־הָאָ֔רֶץ כִּ֛י יֵ֥שׁ אֱלֹהִ֖ים לְיִשְׂרָאֵֽל׃ This very day the LORD will deliver you into my hands. I will kill you and cut off your head; and I will give jSeptuagint reads “your carcass and the carcasses.”the carcasses-j of the Philistine camp to the birds of the sky and the beasts of the earth. All the earth shall know that there is a God in Israel.
וְיֵֽדְעוּ֙ כׇּל־הַקָּהָ֣ל הַזֶּ֔ה כִּי־לֹ֛א בְּחֶ֥רֶב וּבַחֲנִ֖ית יְהוֹשִׁ֣יעַ יְהֹוָ֑ה כִּ֤י לַֽיהֹוָה֙ הַמִּלְחָמָ֔ה וְנָתַ֥ן אֶתְכֶ֖ם בְּיָדֵֽנוּ׃ {ס} And this whole assembly shall know that the LORD can give victory without sword or spear. For the battle is the LORD’s, and He will deliver you into our hands.”
And so David goes up against a giant. He slays him. And he does all this while declaring his fierce belief in, allegiance to and willingness to serve as God’s envoy.
Is it any wonder that Jonathan is so attracted to David? It’s the first time he’s met someone like him- someone filled with an all-consuming love of God, knowledge of God, belief in God- and a willingness to risk himself for God.
וַיְהִ֗י כְּכַלֹּתוֹ֙ לְדַבֵּ֣ר אֶל־שָׁא֔וּל וְנֶ֙פֶשׁ֙ יְה֣וֹנָתָ֔ן נִקְשְׁרָ֖ה בְּנֶ֣פֶשׁ דָּוִ֑ד (ויאהבו) [וַיֶּֽאֱהָבֵ֥הוּ] יְהוֹנָתָ֖ן כְּנַפְשֽׁוֹ׃ When [David] finished speaking with Saul, Jonathan’s soul became bound up with the soul of David; Jonathan loved David as himself.
There is only one other place in Tanakh where similar language appears, and that is the bond between Jacob and Benjamin.
וְעַתָּ֗ה כְּבֹאִי֙ אֶל־עַבְדְּךָ֣ אָבִ֔י וְהַנַּ֖עַר אֵינֶ֣נּוּ אִתָּ֑נוּ וְנַפְשׁ֖וֹ קְשׁוּרָ֥ה בְנַפְשֽׁוֹ׃ “Now, if I come to your servant my father and the boy is not with us—since his soul is so bound up with his soul—
The bond between Jacob and Benjamin is understood to be so strong that if Benjamin were not to return from Egypt, Jacob would die.
That’s the connection between David and Jonathan.
Its Purpose
Now that we know about the bond, the question becomes, what purpose does Jonathan serve in David’s life? Why does he matter? What does he do for him?
We have a variety of examples.
Jonathan saves David’s life (I Samuel 19:1-7)
He is someone David trusts and thus David’s confidant (I Samuel 20:1-4)
He will do anything for David (I Samuel 20:4)
He gets angry when David suggests that if he must die, Jonathan should be the one to do it as opposed to Saul (I Samuel 20:8)
He makes pacts and covenants with David that will last beyond the span of their own lives (I Samuel 20:16)
He goes against his own father- and is publicly shamed and cursed for it- to protect David. Saul even tries to kill him. (I Samuel 20:30-34)
He sends David away for David’s own good. The two of them kiss each other goodbye and weep all the while. (I Samuel 20:41-42)
He finds David when he is running from Saul and “encourages him in the name of God” (I Samuel 23:16)
He says something incredibly poignant- a dream that will never come to pass- regarding his vision for the future-
וַיֹּ֨אמֶר אֵלָ֜יו אַל־תִּירָ֗א כִּ֠י לֹ֤א תִֽמְצָאֲךָ֙ יַ֚ד שָׁא֣וּל אָבִ֔י וְאַתָּה֙ תִּמְלֹ֣ךְ עַל־יִשְׂרָאֵ֔ל וְאָנֹכִ֖י אֶהְיֶה־לְּךָ֣ לְמִשְׁנֶ֑ה וְגַם־שָׁא֥וּל אָבִ֖י יֹדֵ֥עַ כֵּֽן׃ He said to him, “Do not be afraid: the hand of my father Saul will never touch you. You are going to be king over Israel and I shall be second to you; and even my father Saul knows this is so.”
So who is Jonathan to David?
He is trustworthy. He is loving. He has the courage of his convictions, an inner moral compass and integrity. He is comforting. And most of all- he has vision. He believes that there will come a day when all that separates them will fall away, and David will rule, and Jonathan will stand beside him. Jonathan offers hope.
Tragically, in an effort to elude Saul, David finds himself in the Philistine king’s camp- that of Achish. And Achish and the Philistines determine to march against Saul, Jonathan and the Israelite army. David is with them. It appears as though he will end up in a battle against Saul and Jonathan. However, the Philistines themselves doubt David’s loyalty, and send him packing.
At this exact moment, one might expect David to assist Saul and Jonathan, switching sides. However, he does not. Why doesn’t he? This is the ultimate question. Perhaps he believes God will assist the Israelites without him, and thus it makes the most sense for him to remain in his Philistine stronghold in order to continue to evade Saul. Unfortunately, once David returns, there is chaos there- Amalekites (who only exist because Saul failed to kill them all out) have raided the camp. David is occupied with that crisis and unable to assist Saul and Jonathan.
I imagine he must have reproached himself bitterly for that.
The Death of Jonathan
Saul and his three sons all fall on Mt. Gilboa.
וַיָּ֣מׇת שָׁא֡וּל וּשְׁלֹ֣שֶׁת בָּנָיו֩ וְנֹשֵׂ֨א כֵלָ֜יו גַּ֧ם כׇּל־אֲנָשָׁ֛יו בַּיּ֥וֹם הַה֖וּא יַחְדָּֽו׃ Thus Saul and his three sons and his arms-bearer, dLacking in the Septuagint; 1 Chron. 10.6 reads “all his house.”as well as all his men,-d died together on that day.
David is only informed of the news later. At first, he doesn’t want to believe it.
וַיֹּ֨אמֶר אֵלָ֥יו דָּוִ֛ד מֶה־הָיָ֥ה הַדָּבָ֖ר הַגֶּד־נָ֣א לִ֑י וַ֠יֹּ֠אמֶר אֲשֶׁר־נָ֨ס הָעָ֜ם מִן־הַמִּלְחָמָ֗ה וְגַם־הַרְבֵּ֞ה נָפַ֤ל מִן־הָעָם֙ וַיָּמֻ֔תוּ וְגַ֗ם שָׁא֛וּל וִיהוֹנָתָ֥ן בְּנ֖וֹ מֵֽתוּ׃ “What happened?” asked David. “Tell me!” And he told him how the troops had fled the battlefield, and that, moreover, many of the troops had fallen and died; also that Saul and his son Jonathan were dead.
וַיֹּ֣אמֶר דָּוִ֔ד אֶל־הַנַּ֖עַר הַמַּגִּ֣יד ל֑וֹ אֵ֣יךְ יָדַ֔עְתָּ כִּֽי־מֵ֥ת שָׁא֖וּל וִיהוֹנָתָ֥ן בְּנֽוֹ׃ “How do you know,” David asked the young man who brought him the news, “that Saul and his son Jonathan are dead?”
When David accepts that Jonathan truly is dead, he tears his clothing in mourning and fasts until the evening.
וַיַּחֲזֵ֥ק דָּוִ֛ד בִּבְגָדָ֖ו וַיִּקְרָעֵ֑ם וְגַ֥ם כׇּל־הָאֲנָשִׁ֖ים אֲשֶׁ֥ר אִתּֽוֹ׃ David took hold of his clothes and rent them, and so did all the men with him.
וַֽיִּסְפְּדוּ֙ וַיִּבְכּ֔וּ וַיָּצֻ֖מוּ עַד־הָעָ֑רֶב עַל־שָׁא֞וּל וְעַל־יְהוֹנָתָ֣ן בְּנ֗וֹ וְעַל־עַ֤ם יְהֹוָה֙ וְעַל־בֵּ֣ית יִשְׂרָאֵ֔ל כִּ֥י נָפְל֖וּ בֶּחָֽרֶב׃ {פ}
They lamented and wept, and they fasted until evening for Saul and his son Jonathan, and for the soldiers of the LORDbSeptuagint reads “Judah.” and the House of Israel who had fallen by the sword.
He also kills the man who claimed to have slaughtered Saul.
David composes a lament for Saul and Jonathan. It’s beautiful. There’s one passage that expresses David’s own feelings about the loss.
צַר־לִ֣י עָלֶ֗יךָ אָחִי֙ יְה֣וֹנָתָ֔ן נָעַ֥מְתָּ לִּ֖י מְאֹ֑ד נִפְלְאַ֤תָה אַהֲבָֽתְךָ֙ לִ֔י מֵאַהֲבַ֖ת נָשִֽׁים׃ I grieve for you,
My brother Jonathan,
You were most dear to me.
Your love was wonderful to me
More than the love of women.
There are various explanations for this. Metzudat David explains
נפלאתה. האהבה שאהבתיך היא אהבה נפלאה, והיא יותר מאהבת הנשים אשר המה נאהבות אהבה רבה למי שחושק אליהן:
And Ralbag states
נפלאתה אהבתך לי מאהבת נשים. ר''ל שיותר חזקה ויותר נפלאתה היתה אהבת יהונתן לדוד מאהבת הנשים לאהוביהן שהיא אהבה חזקה מאד עד שכבר יכה אותה ויקללה ולא תפיל מפני זה מאהבתו לו דבר:
It was an everlasting, eternal love.
The Aftermath
So David has lost the one person who understood him, who made him feel loved, accepted and cherished. How does this impact him?
The short of it is: everything unravels.
David becomes a machine. He is excellent at war and killing. He is excellent at turning to God, the only one he can rely on. He is not excellent when it comes to his personal life. And I think much of this is due to his grief. He is like a ship unmoored - he does not have the מִשְׁנֶ֑ה למלך that he ought to have had. He is missing Jonathan, and due to this, he is missing a piece of himself.
He deals coldly with Michal, treating her as a mechanism to solidify his grip on the kingdom. Remember that this is the woman who loved him, who resisted her father’s plots for him, who saved his life. David does not reciprocate or seem to acknowledge any of that. When Michal is understandably disgusted by the difference in cultures- she was brought up a private person who focused on dignity; David will do anything for God- he is angry with her. And it is not hard to imagine that part of his anger is directed at the fact that the wrong child of Saul lived. In David’s words (see II Samuel 6:21-22):
וַיֹּ֣אמֶר דָּוִד֮ אֶל־מִיכַל֒ לִפְנֵ֣י יְהֹוָ֗ה אֲשֶׁ֨ר בָּחַר־בִּ֤י מֵֽאָבִיךְ֙ וּמִכׇּל־בֵּית֔וֹ לְצַוֺּ֨ת אֹתִ֥י נָגִ֛יד עַל־עַ֥ם יְהֹוָ֖ה עַל־יִשְׂרָאֵ֑ל וְשִׂחַקְתִּ֖י לִפְנֵ֥י יְהֹוָֽה׃ David answered Michal, “It was before the LORD who chose me instead of your father and all his family and appointed me ruler over the LORD’s people Israel! I will dance before the LORD
וּנְקַלֹּ֤תִי עוֹד֙ מִזֹּ֔את וְהָיִ֥יתִי שָׁפָ֖ל בְּעֵינָ֑י וְעִם־הָֽאֲמָהוֹת֙ אֲשֶׁ֣ר אָמַ֔רְתְּ עִמָּ֖ם אִכָּבֵֽדָה׃ and dishonor myself even more, and be low in my own esteem; but among the slavegirls that you speak of I will be honored.”
Can you hear the undercurrent here? I am doing this for God. Jonathan would have understood. He shared that connection with God. You…do not.
It takes David until Chapter 9 to remember that he ought to keep faith with Jonathan’s children (even though Mephiboshet was mentioned back in Chapter 4.)
That having been said, when he finally does remember him, he deals handsomely with him for Jonathan’s sake. See II Samuel 9:9-13-
וַיִּקְרָ֣א הַמֶּ֗לֶךְ אֶל־צִיבָ֛א נַ֥עַר שָׁא֖וּל וַיֹּ֣אמֶר אֵלָ֑יו כֹּל֩ אֲשֶׁ֨ר הָיָ֤ה לְשָׁאוּל֙ וּלְכׇל־בֵּית֔וֹ נָתַ֖תִּי לְבֶן־אֲדֹנֶֽיךָ׃ The king summoned Ziba, Saul’s steward, and said to him, “I give to your master’s grandson everything that belonged to Saul and to his entire family.
וְעָבַ֣דְתָּ לּ֣וֹ אֶֽת־הָאֲדָמָ֡ה אַתָּה֩ וּבָנֶ֨יךָ וַעֲבָדֶ֜יךָ וְהֵבֵ֗אתָ וְהָיָ֨ה לְבֶן־אֲדֹנֶ֤יךָ לֶּ֙חֶם֙ וַאֲכָל֔וֹ וּמְפִיבֹ֙שֶׁת֙ בֶּן־אֲדֹנֶ֔יךָ יֹאכַ֥ל תָּמִ֛יד לֶ֖חֶם עַל־שֻׁלְחָנִ֑י וּלְצִיבָ֗א חֲמִשָּׁ֥ה עָשָׂ֛ר בָּנִ֖ים וְעֶשְׂרִ֥ים עֲבָדִֽים׃ You and your sons and your slaves shall farm the land for him and shall bring in [its yield] to provide food for your master’s grandsoncSeptuagint reads “household.” to live on; but Mephibosheth, your master’s grandson, shall always eat at my table.”—Ziba had fifteen sons and twenty slaves.—
וַיֹּ֤אמֶר צִיבָא֙ אֶל־הַמֶּ֔לֶךְ כְּכֹל֩ אֲשֶׁ֨ר יְצַוֶּ֜ה אֲדֹנִ֤י הַמֶּ֙לֶךְ֙ אֶת־עַבְדּ֔וֹ כֵּ֖ן יַעֲשֶׂ֣ה עַבְדֶּ֑ךָ וּמְפִיבֹ֗שֶׁת אֹכֵל֙ עַל־שֻׁלְחָנִ֔י כְּאַחַ֖ד מִבְּנֵ֥י הַמֶּֽלֶךְ׃ Ziba said to the king, “Your servant will do just as my lord the king has commanded him.” Mephibosheth shall eat at my table like one of the king’s sons.”
וְלִמְפִיבֹ֥שֶׁת בֵּן־קָטָ֖ן וּשְׁמ֣וֹ מִיכָ֑א וְכֹל֙ מוֹשַׁ֣ב בֵּית־צִיבָ֔א עֲבָדִ֖ים לִמְפִיבֹֽשֶׁת׃ Mephibosheth had a young son named Mica; and all the members of Ziba’s household worked for Mephibosheth.
וּמְפִיבֹ֗שֶׁת יֹשֵׁב֙ בִּיר֣וּשָׁלַ֔͏ִם כִּ֣י עַל־שֻׁלְחַ֥ן הַמֶּ֛לֶךְ תָּמִ֖יד ה֣וּא אֹכֵ֑ל וְה֥וּא פִסֵּ֖חַ שְׁתֵּ֥י רַגְלָֽיו׃ {פ}
Mephibosheth lived in Jerusalem, for he ate regularly at the king’s table. He was lame in both feet.
(Note that even though David cares for Mephibosheth, we see no sign of Mephibosheth having inherited Jonathan’s qualities. This seems much more like a “you have your mother’s eyes, Harry,” scenario vis-a-vis Snape- where David cares for Mephibosheth because of his love for his father- than David finding Jonathan anew within this child.)
He sins with Batsheva (see I Samuel 11). And yes, even if you believe that she was legally permitted to him based on the mechanics of the conditional get, he clearly does something spiritually wrong given that Natan reprimands him for it. Ultimately, this also leads to the murder of Uriah, and to the loss of their baby.
Amnon (David’s eldest son) rapes Tamar. David is very angry about it…but does nothing. See Malbim:
והמלך דוד חרה לו מאד, אולם לא הוכיחו ע"ז, וכל זה עורר שנאת אבשלום:
Enter Absalom.
Absalom
Absalom is angry that his father has not served justice. So he waits and he plots and he murders his brother Amnon (II Samuel 13:32).
Does this defiance of one’s father in order to save someone else who is beloved ring a bell?
Yes. Yes, it does. This is Jonathan reborn.
Not in his entirety. We do not see the God piece. But there is a glimmer of something- something that reminds David of this person he loves who is no longer here.
Here is Absalom standing against David. There is Jonathan standing against Saul.
Here is Absalom protecting Tamar. There is Jonathan protecting David.
Here is Absalom running from his father. There is Jonathan storming out of Saul’s new moon festival.
Is it any wonder, then,
וַתְּכַל֙ דָּוִ֣ד הַמֶּ֔לֶךְ לָצֵ֖את אֶל־אַבְשָׁל֑וֹם כִּי־נִחַ֥ם עַל־אַמְנ֖וֹן כִּי־מֵֽת׃ {ס} And King David was pining away for Absalom, for [the king] had gotten over Amnon’s death.
Joab effects a reconciliation between Absalom and his father. But Absalom has still done something unforgivable in David’s eyes- he has killed his brother. Even though Jonathan defended David, he did not kill Saul to do it. And David, despite the many opportunities he was given, went out of his way not to kill Saul. So David would not have believed that Absalom’s actions were justifiable.
Absalom is back, but he cannot meet with the king.
Finally Joab arranges for a meeting between father and son. But the meeting does not go the way Absalom hoped.
וַיָּבֹ֨א יוֹאָ֣ב אֶל־הַמֶּ֘לֶךְ֮ וַיַּגֶּד־לוֹ֒ וַיִּקְרָ֤א אֶל־אַבְשָׁלוֹם֙ וַיָּבֹ֣א אֶל־הַמֶּ֔לֶךְ וַיִּשְׁתַּ֨חוּ ל֧וֹ עַל־אַפָּ֛יו אַ֖רְצָה לִפְנֵ֣י הַמֶּ֑לֶךְ וַיִּשַּׁ֥ק הַמֶּ֖לֶךְ לְאַבְשָׁלֽוֹם׃ {ס} Joab went to the king and reported to him; whereupon he summoned Absalom. He came to the king and flung himself face down to the ground before the king. And the king kissed Absalom.
It was a kiss that demonstrated that Absalom would never have the throne. See Malbim:
וישק המלך לאבשלום, גם בזה הראה שלא ימליכהו, שכבר כתב הראב"ע בפרשת תולדות, שנשיקה עם למ"ד הוא ביד או בכתף ובלי למ"ד הוא בפה, ולא נשק אותו בפה כראוי לבן הבכור המולך תחתיו רק נשק לו בגופו:
This is when Absalom becomes furious. His father did not serve justice, which is why he had to take it into his own hands. And now, his father does not think he is fit to rule, when all he has ever wanted to do is build a just, fair kingdom.
So Absalom incites a rebellion, but he does it cleverly. He makes sure the people hunger for justice- and realize he can give it to them.
It is at this moment that David also becomes disillusioned with Mephiboshet, Jonathan’s living son. (There’s a debate as to whether or not the servant Tziva told the truth about Mephiboshet choosing to stay in Jerusalem in order to secure the kingship, but it seems like David believed him, and was angry about being betrayed. Therefore, he gifts Tziva everything that once belonged to Mephiboshet.)
Back to the rebellion. David doesn’t want another one of his sons to die. But it seems to go deeper than that. After all, he was comforted when it came to Amnon. In contrast, when Joab disobeys his commands and slays Absalom, the same Absalom who has just slept with all of David’s concubines, we see that David falls apart.
וַיִּרְגַּ֣ז הַמֶּ֗לֶךְ וַיַּ֛עַל עַל־עֲלִיַּ֥ת הַשַּׁ֖עַר וַיֵּ֑בְךְּ וְכֹ֣ה ׀ אָמַ֣ר בְּלֶכְתּ֗וֹ בְּנִ֤י אַבְשָׁלוֹם֙ בְּנִ֣י בְנִ֣י אַבְשָׁל֔וֹם מִֽי־יִתֵּ֤ן מוּתִי֙ אֲנִ֣י תַחְתֶּ֔יךָ אַבְשָׁל֖וֹם בְּנִ֥י בְנִֽי׃ The king was shaken. He went up to the upper chamber of the gateway and wept, moaning these words as he went, “My son Absalom! O my son, my son Absalom! If only I had died instead of you! O Absalom, my son, my son!”
Why?
It’s not just a father-son bond. If so, David should have had this reaction when Amnon died.
And it is not just guilt. Because David was guilty when it came to the death of his first child with Batsheva, and he did not react like this.
I think it’s something deeper than that.
David loved Jonathan. He found it difficult to live without him. But he continued on- because he had to. Even when, grieving, he made mistakes, mistakes he wouldn’t have made had Jonathan still been present in his life, his second-in-command, as they had hoped so long ago.
He tried to make do with providing for the son of Jonathan, thinking that in some way that would keep him connected to the father. But even that does not work out as planned. The son- so David believes- repudiates him after all his kindness.
So who is the replacement for Jonathan? Why, the one in whom David can see glimpses of the man. The bold boy who dares to stand up against his father, dares to stand up for what he believes is right, dares to go against the king. There are so many echoes. And David loves that in Absalom the same way he loved it in Jonathan.
So when Absalom is killed, it’s not just Absalom David’s mourning. It’s the culmination of everything. It’s the death of all his dreams. It’s the reason David wishes he were dead instead.
Because he doesn’t want to live in this world without Jonathan.
And Absalom was the last vestige.
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